The Talisman VII: The Journey
by chips challenge
Summary: Harry was a founder's apprentice with Snape leading his apprenticeship.  Harry decided to take a "journey" – a break from his apprenticeship – to make sure that he was doing the right thing and to clear some things up inside himself.
1. Chapter 1

The Talisman VII: The Journey

By chips challenge

Chapter 01 – Jenner, part 01

Please see the story note in my profile.

Harry got up early and practiced his Occlumency. He liked to keep up that practice, which had started to make his days feel a little more normal. Now that he was on a journey and didn't have to do any of his Apprentice duties, he found that he missed them, and he was afraid to not keep up with his Occlumency and physical training. After meditating, he got up and started making breakfast. He know how to make food the Muggle way from all of his years living with the Dursley's, and he liked to do at least something for Jenner because he was letting him stay at his house.

Their first few days together had been awkward; Harry never knew what to say or if saying anything at all was appropriate. He felt weird staying with his therapist 24 hours a day, because he sort of felt like he was always in a counseling session. He would have tried to just avoid Jenner, but that would have defeated the purpose of staying with him in the first place.

Jenner lived in a small and comfortable cottage. There was plenty of room for guests, and Harry had his own bedroom and bathroom as well as access to a large library and living room when Jenner was away at work. Harry took that time to read some of Jenner's books on Psychology, but he had little interest in them and found he spent most of his time just listening to the thoughts in his head. He began writing in his journal more frequently and had now filled in almost the whole thing. Jenner never asked him to talk about it. They  
>didn't even have traditional counseling sessions. Harry knew that *he* had to make the most out of this experience; Jenner wasn't just going to tell him what he needed to know. He needed to take the initiative and start the conversations that he really needed to have, but wanted to avoid at the same time.<p>

"You know you don't have to do that, Harry," Jenner said as he entered the kitchen.

"Yeah, I know, but I like having something to do. You like pancakes, don't you?" Harry asked.

"Yes, thank you." Jenner sat down by a heaping plate of pancakes.

"What are your plans for today?"

Harry paused mid-bite and slowly lowered his fork back to the table. He wasn't sure why he felt apprehensive about asking Jenner to talk with him – that was the reason that he had chosen Jenner to be a part of his journey – but he somehow felt like he was imposing on his Master's time.

Jenner also paused and looked up at Harry who was now studying his pancakes. "Harry, you've been here for almost a week, are you getting out of this experience what you'd hoped?"

Harry shook his head without looking up. He really hadn't done anything. He'd been hoping that things would just make sense to him suddenly or that some revolution would come to him, but nothing had happened. He'd had some good meditation sessions and he didn't feel like hurting Snape every time that he thought of him, but he also didn't feel like he'd resolved anything.

"This is your time, Harry. I can not tell you what to do. However, if you are not progressing, Severus will insist on calling another meeting of your committee. Your journey is meant to help you, but we will need to make some changes."

Harry finally looked up. Jenner had been talking with his Master. Even though this was supposed to be his journey, Snape was still checking up on him. Harry couldn't help but feel a little annoyed. Maybe what he really needed was some time just by himself. But Jenner was right; he was just wasting everyone's time if he didn't *do* something.

"I'm sorry," Harry said. "I want to talk to you about what Master Snape did, but I don't feel ready. I don't want to waste your time babbling when I'm not sure how I feel."

"I don't expect you to know how you feel, and I think talking about it might help you determine that," Jenner replied.

"Yeah, I sort of knew that, but I don't know…I really feel like I need some time away, you know, by myself. I know that I asked to come here, but er…" Harry took a drink of his orange juice to give him a moment to think.

"You are welcome to stay here for as long as you need to. I am not trying to make you leave, but I am also not going to allow you to use this time or place to be stagnant."

"I guess I just didn't know what was going to happen when I made plans to come here. I did mean to use the time to work on trusting and all that, but now things seem different. I'm too confused, I think. I just feel like I would know better what I want to talk about or do if I had some time by myself," Harry said.

"Where would you go?"

"I don't know. Maybe just outside in the forest or down by the beach. I want to be somewhere where nobody expects anything from me for awhile."

"And what would you do with this time?" Jenner asked.

"I want to think and maybe write some more, but mostly think."

Jenner looked at him somewhat suspiciously," You've been writing in that journal all week. I'm surprised that you haven't filled it up yet."

"I have – almost – but I haven't been writing about what I really want to. I mean I guess I thought that you would ask to read it. I haven't been thinking about what I really need to either. I've been trying to avoid it."

"Harry, have I ever asked to read your journal?"

Harry shook his head. He had read his journal to Jenner before, but Jenner had never read it and he had never forced him to read. Maybe he had just felt confined here like he had to talk about whatever he was thinking about even though he never really said anything at all.

"I will challenge you in order to help you and I know that's hard for you often, but I though you had accepted it."

Harry nodded. Jenner was right; he was going back into his old ways of avoidance, ways that of course had not done anything to help him in the past. "I just need some time. Not a lot of time, and I don't mean to leave and not come back."

"Okay," Jenner said.

"Really?"

"Yes, this is your time and within reason, you can do what you think is best. But there are some stipulations."

"Like what?"

"You will have a tracking charm on you and contact me or someone every night."

"I don't plan to stay out that long," Harry protested.

"Nonetheless, you are still underage and not particularly safe anywhere."

"Alright," Harry agreed.

"And you will take your wand, and I need to be sure that you don't have any other intentions," Jenner said.

"What do you mean other intentions? Other than what? Thinking? How are you going to do that? Oh…you mean you think I would do- I not thinking about that. I don't think about doing things like that anymore."

"I have to be sure. You have gone back to thinking that way before and you have recently been through some difficult times with what happened to Professor Dumbledore and your Master."

"But…" Harry wanted to protest, he really did, but as usual Jenner was right. He had gone back to being self-destructive before. But this time was different; he really did just want to think, alone. "But I'm not thinking that way. I don't want to hurt myself. I want to help myself," Harry replied quietly, but he knew that his words would not satisfy Jenner.

"You sound sincere, Harry, but I need you to show me. I don't have a true sense of your disposition right now because we haven't been communicating. I've hardly said two words to you a day for the past week."

"Show you how?" Harry managed to ask though visions of his first Occlumency session began to fill his mind.

"Let down your lower blocks. I've been in your mind enough that I will be able to sense you fairly quickly. You know that I won't violate your privacy and that you are a strong enough Occlumens to prevent me from doing so in any case."

Yes, Harry knew that everything Jenner said was true and he even didn't think that Jenner was too far out of line in asking him to do that being that he was allowed to go at all, and really he didn't have anything to hide.

"Okay," Harry said. "Anything else?"

"No, finish your breakfast."

Harry sat down in front of the fire like he had many times and places before, but this time he didn't try to clear his mind. He didn't want Jenner to think that he was trying to hide anything. Jenner took his hands and quickly Harry felt the warmth of another presence in his mind. He concentrated on his breathing rather than what Jenner was doing in his mind.

His mind slowly shifted to the last time that "Jenner" had entered his mind. The "other Jenner" had quickly started searching for a way into his inner thoughts. Harry had had to use force to get him out. Harry took another deep breath. Jenner wasn't doing that. He knew Jenner wouldn't. Harry felt the presence slip from his mind and he took another deep breath and pulled his knees to his chest. He rested there for a moment until his breathing felt regular and then he looked up.

"Alright, you may go," Jenner said.

"You think it's a bad idea." Harry could sense that Jenner still had reservations.

"I think that it is dangerous, but what I think is not important. If you think that you need time away, you should take time away."

Harry spent the rest of the morning getting his things ready. He packed only clean underclothing figuring that he could wear the same outer clothing each day. He really wasn't planning on staying out much more than two days. He borrowed a blanket and a shrinking trunk from Jenner and packed some food and his wand and a portkey, which Jenner had insisted on. By mid-afternoon, he was ready to leave. He still didn't know precisely where he was going to go, but there was a forest close to Jenner's house and a beach. He didn't really need to go far to feel like he was alone.

He sat silently on the couch and felt the magic of the tracking charm sink into his body. He could tell that it was a strong spell because he could actually feel it taking effect. Jenner would probably be able to track him from anyone on the planet, but Harry didn't care. He trusted Jenner to give him his space unless there was a real emergency.

"I hope that you find whatever it is you're looking for," Jenner said as Harry waked past him and out the door. Harry headed straight for the forest. It wasn't a magical forest, so it didn't contain the dangers of the forest at Hogwarts, but there was still the possibility that he could run into a wild animal or get lost. So, Harry took out his wand and discretely marked his path as he went. He kept walking until the sun started to go down and then he set up a small camp. He started a small fire and cooked some soup over it and ate while sitting on the blanket he had brought.

Soon after he finished eating, he realized that one, he was not thinking about Snape, and two the ground was quite hard. Why had he wanted to come out here? He tried to remind himself of the reason, but none came. The air was starting to get cooler, and Harry wrapped the blanket around his body.

He lay back on the cold ground and forced his thoughts towards the last moments of Dumbledore's life. Snape had been there; Snape had done it. Harry knew that it had all been part of a plan. He knew that Dumbledore had forced Snape to do it. He knew that Snape could no longer work at Hogwarts because of it. But why couldn't Snape have told him? Snape had gotten extremely angry when Harry hadn't told him about what was happening to Jenner, but then Snape hadn't told him. Was it just because he was a child? Didn't Snape trust him to keep his mouth shut? Or did Snape really, as he said, just want to prevent him from interfering. Snape couldn't even trust him to not do anything.

Of course Harry knew that thought was reasonable. He wouldn't have let Snape kill Dumbledore. How could Snape have even done it? No plan was worth the headmaster's life.

'But what if the headmaster were already dead? What if the whole thing were just for show?' Harry had heard that voice in his head before and promptly ignored it. But out here, he couldn't ignore it. That was why he was here.

"The headmaster was going to die," Snape had said. "He knew it, and he knew there was nothing that could prevent it. My presence and actions in the tower cemented my loyalty to the Dark Lord. What I can learn will prevent Voldemort from taking over again and give you a chance to do what you have to."

Harry felt his head beginning to hurt and he began subconsciously rubbing his temple. He knew that Dumbledore thought he was going to die, but what if that wasn't true? Had he just heard it in some prophecy and then assumed that he was going to die that day? And how did he know that it was going to be that day? Or was there something else that made him think that?

Like someone had forced him to drink a slow acting poison; he knew he would die and would rather die faster. Harry felt his heart stop beating. He had forced Dumbledore to drink that potion. Dumbledore knew that he would have to drink the potion to get the horcrux; he had known that he was going to die. Things were clicking into place in his mind, but Harry had never thought that he would be the one who really killed the headmaster. Harry felt the pain in his head getting stronger and strangely he began to feel it in his chest and arms as well. He tried to ignore the pain as the thoughts kept swimming around in his head.

Had Snape been trying to protect him by not telling him? Surely he would have known that he would figure it out. As clear as he saw it now, Harry wondered how he could have ignored the truth for so long. But then Snape didn't even trust him with that truth.

So, it was his fault that Dumbledore was dead, Harry realized. He should have known. The pain in his extremities began to intensify. He actually had to grit his teeth to keep from screaming. Harry felt like his core was actually on fire. All he could do was let out a primal scream as the world started blackening in around him.


	2. Chapter 2

The Talisman VII: The Journey

By chips challenge

Chapter 02: Jenner, Part 02

Harry refused to open his eyes. He was awake, but he'd never felt this horrible before. Not even when he'd woken up in the Dark Lord's dungeons had he felt this bad. He felt like a ton of bricks had fallen on his head - and they were still sitting there crunching down on his skull. Every slight movement, even the thought of breathing, brought him more pain. He tried to remain still, but he could stop breathing. He couldn't stop his heart from beating.

He felt a cold breeze blow across his forehead giving him a chill. Breeze? He wondered. Ground? He opened his eyes just a slit, but the pain intensified when the dark air hit his eyes. What was wrong with him? Even the air made his body hurt. He had to get back, he knew that. Portkey. Jenner had insisted that he take a Portkey with him. Where was it? Yes, he'd put it in the pocket of his cloak, but the though of moving his hand that far made him cringe and his head ached even more. The pain seemed to be building again until it faded into blackness.

Harry heard sounds around him. Familiar sounds, but he couldn't really place them. He was pretty sure they were sounds that he shouldn't be able to hear just then, but the fact that he did comforted him slightly even if he did rather he was back in his quiet darkness.

"Harry? Can you hear me?" Harry heard the unfamiliar voice speak, and he tried to block it out, but even that small action made his head pound. He didn't respond or make any indication that he'd heard anything. Maybe the person would just go away and he could fade back into unconsciousness.

"Harry? Answer please if you can," the voice persisted. Who was that talking above him and why was she so persistent that he answer? No, he couldn't answer. Even the thought of shaking his head almost made him want to scream out. What in the world happened, Harry wondered. Why was he in so much pain? He decided that he would have to open his eyes or say something if he wanted to find out the answers to these questions.

"Yes…" Harry said. His own voice sounded strange to him. His whole being felt strange and different somehow. He tried opening his eyes and found that wherever he was, was pleasantly free of bright light. He didn't want to risk moving his head around to see who was with him or where he was because he wasn't sure that he would be able to remain conscious through the ordeal, but then again maybe that would be for the best. He also noticed that he was laying on something soft and while he wasn't comfortable, he knew that he wasn't still lying on the cold ground of the forest. But how had he gotten here? He didn't remember being able to reach his Portkey.

"Good. Can you tell me where you are?"

'Well, I'm in a room that has a ceiling. Nice beige it is,' Harry thought. He tried to shake his head, but he almost blacked out at the movement.

"I guess it was pretty strong," The voice said clearly talking to someone else. "He still seems to be feeling a strong aftereffect."

"How much longer is this expected to affect him?"

Harry clearly recognized that voice. Yes, it was someone he knew, was familiar with, and someone who could help him. He felt relief washing over his fear, the fear he had yet to place.

"I'm not sure. This usually happens when wizards are much younger. You probably remember it from your childhood. I'm not sure why it took him much longer. Maybe it was because he had some much more to come into. Even Headmaster Dumbledore recovered in a day or so, so I don't think you have much to worry about."

"I can not help but be worried about him. We thought that he had already come into his magic. He was all ready able to do fairly complicated magic."

That's Professor Snape, Harry's mind registered. But Snape was worried? That wasn't right. Snape was supposed to have the answers for everything, and who was this person that he was talking to? He had to find out what was going on. His curiosity began to grow stronger than his desire to prevent any more pain.

"What?" That was about all he could get out of his mouth.

"Don't try to do anything right now, Harry. I'll get you another sleeping potion and maybe you'll feel better the next time you wake up." Snape. Snape was getting him another sleeping potion. Another? He didn't remember taking one to begin with. How long had this been going on? Had he woken up before? He had trouble remembering much of anything before waking up just now. But before he could think on that much more, he felt a vial at his lips and was in no position to refuse as the potion was poured into his mouth. He felt the pain diffusing and his head clearing only as his consciousness was lost.

Harry felt the haze in his head dissipating as he felt himself coming into consciousness again. The pain was less this time and he did recall how much worse it had been before. He took several, slow deep breaths with out feeling too much pain before he decided to try opening his eyes again. When he did open his eyes, he found that he was still in the strange room, but this time there was no one else there. He was able to move his head without too much pain, but he decided not to press his luck and try actually getting out of bed. His limbs just felt too heavy like they somehow felt like they weren't his. He just felt wrong - or maybe just different.

"Harry, how are you feeling?" Harry looked over and saw a witch dressed in white hospital robes. He was in the hospital? Well it made sense; he sure did feel pretty bad. And he wasn't in the hospital wing. No this was some kind of private room.

"Umm, I'm not sure. What happened?"

"It's complicated. Jenner would like to come in and explain it to you, if you can wait until I give you a quick check-up."

"Yeah okay," Harry said as pieces of the conversation from the previous time he'd woken up began to filter into his mind.

The witch pulled out her wand and began doing some tests and writing some things down on a piece of parchment. Then she looked at him and said, "Well, you seem to be getting some of your strength back, that's good. Hopefully you'll be able to eat something today. Maybe one of Professor Snape's strengthening potions."

Harry made a face at that thought and heard a soft chuckle from the witch. "I'll go get Jenner now, and maybe we can discuss your prognosis after he's finished talking to you, all right?'

Harry just nodded. He could do little but just lay there and wait. After a few moments, he heard footsteps coming into his room. He tried to roll over towards the sound, but only managed to grunt at his failure.

"Harry," Jenner said.

"Sir."

"I can make the bed help you sit up," he said.

Harry started to nod, but then just replied, "Okay." He heard an incantation, and then the bed folded and lifted him into a seated position. Jenner sat down on one of the chairs beside his bed, but didn't say anything.

"Professor Snape wanted me to give you this," Jenner said holding out a small vial filled with clear liquid.

"Snape is here?" Harry asked, but then he remembered hearing his Master's voice.

"Professor Snape was here. We have all been quite concerned about you." Jenner held out the vial again.

"What is it?" Harry asked; he knew that it didn't really matter what it was. If Snape wanted him to take it, he would.

"It's a strong muscle relaxant," Jenner replied.

"But why?" Harry asked.

"Because your muscles have been through a lot of strain. Allowing them to relax will help them heal faster."

"But then I won't be able to move, will I?"

"You won't be any worse off than you are right now, and you body will be able to heal," Jenner explained."

"Oh alright, but will you please tell me what happened?"

"I have no intention of keeping that from you, Harry, thought I suspect you'll be able to figure it out for yourself."

Harry didn't reply. He didn't want to admit that he had no idea what was going on. He was a little afraid that it had something to do with Voldemort, and all he could remember was something about doing magic and Professor Dumbledore. He waited for Jenner to continue.

Jenner remained silent as he brought the vial to Harry's lips, and the younger wizard drank the potion. Soon, Harry felt some of the pain in his limbs dissipate. In fact, he couldn't really feel his limbs at all.

"How do you feel now?" Jenner asked.

"Better," Harry replied.

"As compared to normal," Jenner clarified.

"Pretty bad," Harry said.

"Could you be more specific?"

"I don't know. I feel strange. My head hurts, but I pretty much can't feel anything else."

"Here - for your headache," Jenner uncorked another vial and fed it to Harry. "The other you'll just have to get used to, I'm afraid."

"What are you talking about?" Harry began to look around a bit for the first time and he saw that he was in what looked like someone's bedroom. There was a chest of drawers on the other side of the room and pictures on the walls. They were too far away for him to tell what the pictures were and he wasn't wearing his glasses, but he knew that he wasn't in a normal hospital ward. "And where am I?"

"You're in my room. There was really no need to take you to a hospital, because there was really nothing that they could do for you. You just came into your magic. The power the Dark Lord knows not."

"No, you're not quoting prophecies, are you?"

"I just want you to understand the magnitude of what has happened to you."

"What do you mean? I'm weak. I can hardly move at all."

"That's a result of gaining a substantial amount of power in a short time. You will recover in time."

"What kind of power?" Harry asked.

"That remains to be seen, I suppose. Once you are feeling better."

"Wait, what happened, why did this happen now all of a sudden? I thought I heard that nurse say something about how this usually happens to children."

"Well, that's generally how it does happen. Children come into their power around age 10 or 11 and then come to Hogwarts to learn how to use it. But you were doing magic with the rest of the children so all the teachers just assumed that you had come into your power as well. You have been doing wandless magic," Jenner said.

"I know, but I mean how did I do magic at all?" Harry asked.

"Just because you haven't or hadn't officially come into your power doesn't mean that you can't do magic. It's very common for even young children to do accidental magic, and many children learn basic spells while they are still quite young. 'Coming into your power' just means that you magic has matured and likely won't get substantially stronger."

"Oh, so this is something that everyone goes through," Harry said.

"Well not exactly. For most children it's just like a growing pain - something that is annoying, but hardly noticed. For a few, it is much more difficult."

Harry groaned, of course it would be more difficult for him. He never seemed to get through anything like a normal person not even Wizarding things. But he figured that he should be used to it by now.

"Why now?"

"Well, it's probably been building up for a while. I suspect that it was bound to happen pretty soon. I suspect you just got emotional and triggered it. What were you doing in the woods before you activated your portkey?"

"Er…I was just thinking about…" How Dumbledore's death was my fault Harry remembered. He suddenly felt his muscles clench up even though the effects of the muscle relaxing potion. He felt white light in his head and then felt suddenly dizzy and weak like he wouldn't move again – ever. Harry felt a hand on his forehead and a calming feeling began to fill his head slowly spreading to the rest of his body. Harry closed his eyes and let the feeling consume him.

"Deep breath, Harry."

The voice brought Harry's consciousness back to the room and he gasped for breath. Slowly he began to concentrate on his breathing, and he felt his body relax. He let his eyes side open and saw that Jenner was sitting right beside him on the bed.

"What was that?" Harry asked.

"I'm not sure," Jenner responded. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to aggravate your condition. I thought you were done."

"Done with what?"

"Your magic. Generally it just happens once and while it may take awhile to heal, you shouldn't have any more episodes like that."

"What do you mean? I just felt my muscles tensing. That's not a big deal, is it?" Harry asked.

"It is when you've just taken a Tralazor potion. I could feel the magic around you. How are you feeling now?"

"Just like before, I guess," Harry responded. "It's not any worse. But yeah I could feel something, too. I just didn't know what it was."

"I'm going to call the healer back. Keep concentrating on your breathing. I'll be right back."

Harry nodded, but stopped quickly as his head screamed. "Okay," he replied. He was going to add that he didn't feel any worse and that Jenner need not bother the healer again but doubted he would get very far with that line of though and didn't waste his breath.


	3. Chapter 3

The Talisman VII: The Journey

By chips challenge

Chapter Three: From Jenner to Remus

Harry let his eyes close as he listened to the healer talking to Jenner just outside of his room. He knew that Jenner had stopped to talk to her there just so he could hear them, but he was still annoyed that the healer didn't just want to talk to him. Apparently not everyone was going to treat him like an adult.

"He does show all the signs of having another surge of magic," the healer said.

"But it wasn't as strong," Jenner replied.

"No, but I've never seen anyone have another surge at all. Hopefully it was just a residual response to him coming into so much so quickly."

"So, what can be done?"

"Like I said before, there is really nothing to do in a situation like this. Just rest and replenish. He should be fine as soon as he heals. But do call again if he has another."

Harry heard the healer leave through the fire and Jenner came back into his room. "So, how are you feeling?"

"I'm fine just tired," Harry said looking away for a moment. He wasn't sure why Jenner was engaging him in small talk and it made him feel a little uncomfortable. "I need to get out of bed. I feel like I've done nothing since I got here."

"And do you think that you need to be out of bed to accomplish what you came here for?" Jenner asked. Harry tried not to shy away from Jenner's piercing gaze. Harry knew that he hadn't reached out to Jenner; he just felt that he wasn't sure what he wanted. He had planned to talk about his issues with Snape, but now those issues were so much more than before. Snape had held so many secrets – such huge secrets. Harry was sure that their relationship would never be the same again and he didn't want it to be. He didn't want Jenner fix it. Harry didn't even know if he would ever talk to Snape again. He suspected he would. The Order would trust Snape; Snape would be safe. Therefore, Snape would still be his apprentice master that was if he decided to stay in the program. Harry didn't want to talk about it just then, and he realized that he may not want to talk about it ever. He'd had a hard enough time trusting Snape before, but now? Did he even have a reason to trust the man?

"I just don't like feeling this way," Harry replied. "Er so what's going on at Hogwarts?" Harry asked trying to change the subject. He did want to hear about his friends, but he didn't think that Jenner would really have any information about them. But he would like to hear about something other than himself and his "condition."

"Severus reports no unusual activates at Hogwarts."

"Snape is at Hogwarts?" Harry asked surprised that his master could be so protected after what it had appeared that he had done.

"No, not openly, but he has eyes and ears there. The Order is beginning to see their mistake and they have been very busy trying to well…you know."

"No," Harry sated, but than taking just a minute to think, he realized that he did know. Were they really out there doing what he should be doing? "I mean I should be helping them. I shouldn't be here trying to decide what I want to do with my life, I should be out there doing what I'm supposed to be doing."

"Harry, you are supposed to be here doing what you are doing. There are many qualified wizards out there looking for the horocruxes and I think you know that your important role in this war isn't likely to come finding one of the smaller parts of the Dark Lord, but rather in fighting the final piece."

"Maybe," Harry thought, but he still hated doing nothing especially when he was spending that time focusing just on himself. "But I can't do anything like that right now. I might be able to decipher some stupid trinket that Voldemort tried to hide in." Harry took all the energy that he had left and forced himself up to a sitting position. "I want to help them." He tried to use his anger and motivation to get his legs over the side of the bed, but his exertion so far had already been too much. He sighed, defeated and said, "as soon as I can get out of this bed on my own, I'm going back to Hogwarts so that I can."

Jenner put what Harry was sure was meant to be a calming hand on his shoulder, "I'm sorry Harry, but the Order has already declared that you are not to be involved in finding any of the horocurxes."

Harry jerked aside. He didn't like feeling any more trapped than he already did. "What do you mean? They can't stop me!"

"Yes Harry, they will. And you know how strong the Order is. You need to use this time as your journey. You will not have this opportunity again."

Harry wasn't sure how he should react. He was angry that other people were making decisions for him again and he didn't want to sit around being useless, but he also knew that he would need time to heal and time to train. If he could become a Founders' Apprentice before he had to fight Voldemort, he knew he could win. Now, he wasn't so sure. They were right; he just wished that he'd had some say in it and that they'd at least spoken to him about it.

Jenner handed Harry the potion the healer had left on his beside table and Harry drank it without question. He would rest and he would heal.

After spending almost a week resting and reading and speaking very little to Jenner, Harry knew that it was time to move on. He had practiced very little defense while he was with Jenner, but he had kept up on his Occlumency. The next step on his journey would be to spend some time with Remus. His previous plan had been to spend some time learning about teaching and student teaching a bit with his former DADA professor, but now, after all that had happened, Harry knew that he would have to scrap that plan and spend as much time as he could learning defense for himself.

Harry picked up his bag and stood by the floo. Jenner wished him luck as he threw in the powder. Harry wished that he hadn't caused that look of sad failure on Jenner's face. He wished that Jenner had been able to help him. "Remus Lupin – Hogwarts Teacher's wing," Harry spoke clearly before he stepped into the flame.

Harry stepped out of the fire into the familiar room of his former teacher. He noticed right away that nobody was there to meet him. Of course he had decided to come here rather abruptly and it was the middle of the school day, so he knew that he shouldn't have expected anyone to be there.

Brushing off his robes and looking around the room, Harry noticed some biscuits and a note sitting out on the table in the main room. He dropped his bags on the floor beside the table and picked up the note.

From the note, Harry learned that Remus would be in class all afternoon. He was preparing the 5th years for their O.W.L.S. and helping with an extra session for all years later in the afternoon. Remus has said that he could come help with the extra session after settling in. So, Remus still thought he was still interested in teaching. Harry sighed as he picked up his bag and headed for the new empty room in the back of Remus's apartment.

The room contained a bed, desk and small closet. The bed was unmade and the closet was empty. There was nothing on any of the walls. Harry decided that he liked it that way. He didn't want to feel at home here. He quickly emptied his clothes into the closet and piled his books on the desk. Then, he looked at his watch. There were still several hours until dinner.

He saw the defense book that he had read while at Jenner's sitting on the top of his pile on the desk, yet he didn't feel like reading. He really wanted to get back into *doing* defense, but he knew that he still wasn't up to his full strength and that he shouldn't try doing the new things he's read about without someone else there. Before his apprenticeship, Harry would have tried them by himself anyway, but now he understood that his responsibility for himself included knowing what he couldn't do. Maybe he could just go to Remus's extra session. At least he could practice some of his more basic defense skills there.

Harry pulled on a rumpled, simple black robe over his clothes and headed down to the defense classroom. Harry found that the session had already started and so he crept into the room quietly and took a seat in one of the desks that had been moved to the edge of the room to clear space in the center.

Ron and Hermione were standing in the middle of the room demonstrating how to do a blocking shield that was useful for stronger curses than most students encountered at Hogwarts. They were surrounded by a group of younger students from all houses, though a noticeably smaller amount from Slytherin, who were watching them with rapt attention. None of the students had noticed Harry entering the room, and he had been as careful as he could to make sure they didn't. He was, however, a little surprised that they hadn't been a little more observant.

Remus, of course, didn't miss his new charge's entrance and made his way to an empty seat beside Harry. "They seem to be doing a fine job teaching the younger students," Harry noted.

"Yes, they really like learning from Ron and Hermione. Those two are sort of like legends because they were in DA when you were teaching."

Ha, Harry thought. He didn't know anything they didn't. In fact, they would be much better off learning from Hermione. She had actually studied what she was teaching them. He had just showed off what he knew and what he had experience with.

"I was hoping that you would be able to teach them what it's really like to be in a duel. A real duel not the kind that we stage here for learning purposes," Remus said.

"I don't know if I'll be able to do that," Harry stated. He didn't think he would have time to teach them, if he had to so much to learn and relearn himself. He hadn't done any practical magic for quite a while and he wasn't sure how strong he was.

"They need to know that you're not a super-wizard, Harry. They need to know that they could do what you did."

"But can they?" Harry asked. He in no way thought that he was better at spells then the lot in front of him, but…"I always have luck."

"Then you need to teach them that," Remus replied.

"But I don't even know if I can do a spell. I've been lying in bed most of the time. Jenner wouldn't even let me do my physical training. I am not in shape. I need to get myself ready," Harry insisted.

"You still think that you're going to do *this* all by yourself? Where would you be now if your friends hadn't come with you to the Department of Mysteries? Or if they hadn't been there for you last year?"

"I wouldn't be here, that's for sure," Harry admitted. "The only reason that I got to that fight with Voldemort was because they were there to fight those Death Eaters with me,"

"Right, and they wouldn't have been able to do that unless you had trained them in DA."

"Maybe," Harry thought, but did he really have time to do both?

"Why don't you lead them through your physical training exercises? You do what you can. I'm sure it will be difficult enough for them on their first time even if it's not completely up to what you are used to."

Harry closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Remus wasn't giving him any time to feel sorry for himself or to get "ready". He was forcing him to just jump in and get back to doing things. That was what he'd told himself that he wanted to do, but when faced with it, he felt like he wasn't ready. He felt like another few days resting would be okay. Remus hadn't asked him if he was up to it; no, he just said do it. That's what Snape would have done, but Snape would have insisted that he did his complete exercises. So, Harry knew that he would have to try to get through them all.

Harry opened his eyes and looked straight at Remus and said, "Okay."

"Good," Remus nodded. "We can talk about the rest of your stay after dinner."

While they had been talking, the students had paired off and begun blocking each other. Ron and Hermione, who had now noticed his presence, but were giving him time to talk to Remus, were now circulating the room giving tips to the students. When Harry stood and made his way to the cleared part of the classroom, both Ron and Hermione made there way towards him. Hermione gave him a big hug and Ron clasped his shoulder. They didn't have to say much to each other. Harry quickly explained to them what Remus suggested he do, and both Ron and Hermione nodded.

"I think that's a great idea. We often forget about some of the simple things that will really help in a fight. Fitness is a big one," Hermione said. The students had now become distracted by Harry's appearance and stopped practicing and were now just staring at him.

"Well," Harry said looking nervously back at Remus. "Um..Remus I mean Professor Lupin has asked me if I would show you some of the physical training that I've learned as an apprentice.

"Right, so let's get started," Ron replied.

"Okay, so usually I start with two or more laps of the lake. We'll do two today. Whatever you do out there, make sure you keep moving," Harry said. He pulled his robes a little tighter around his body and then headed out the door hoping that they would all follow him.

"But it's raining out there," one of the students said.

Harry, who had yet to go outside since he returned, did not know the weather conditions, but it didn't matter. Snape would never let him out of his running because of a little rain or a little snow or a little hail…

Harry stopped abruptly in the doorway to the classroom and did and did a quick one eighty turn finding himself face to face with the student who had brought up the concern. "Do you think that Voldemort is going to stop his assaults because it's raining?"

The kid shook his head stepping backwards into another student both of whom looked a more than a little afraid of Harry. Harry turned back around and made his way out to the grounds without waiting for any more conformation that the rest of the students were coming.

He realized how much he really needed a good run just then. He took off at a sprint once he cleared the Entrance Hall. He was quickly passed up by some of the younger students, but Harry didn't mind. Soon, he found a good pace that he could keep up. He knew he was going a bit slower than he used to, but he knew that he would be able to finish at this pace. He was pretty sure that he'd be passing most of the younger students before they finished their first lap. He'd have to teach them about pacing. It didn't do any good to start the duel if you didn't have the energy to finish it, but he'd let them see this for themselves the first time. They still had an hour to go after the run.


	4. Chapter 4

The Talisman VII: The Journey

By chips challenge

Chapter 04: Remus to McGonagall

Harry worked the younger students hard in their extra training sessions, but not too hard. He soon found that the training was not enough for him. He went on extra runs in the mornings and spent the evenings doing more exercises in the Room of Requirement, but what he really needed was a Master to train him. He needed to practice doing his magic again.

Harry took up teaching two of Professor Lupin's morning classes and assisted with two of the upper year classes. In his free time, he studied his own defense and had some intense lessons in theory with Remus. He had learned a lot, but he had yet to put any of his new knowledge into practice.

Remus was reluctant to allow him to do any magic at all after he had had another magic surge during one of his training sessions. It had just been a small surge, and had only knocked him out for a moment, but he had ended up in the hospital wing for the night.

Snape had come to see him while he was asleep. Harry hadn't even needed to open his eyes; he could feel the other man's presence. Snape had stayed for several moments observing him, and then he left as quietly as he'd entered. But Harry knew what he had to do. He had to get back into training with his Master.

The next morning, Harry joined Remus for coffee in their common area after practicing his Occlumency. It was still early though, for they both would be expected in the Great Hall during the regular breakfast hours. Remus had a copy of The Daily Prophet laid out in front of him, but he wasn't reading it. He was watching Harry carefully as he sat down at the table.

"Good Morning. How are you feeling this morning?" Remus asked taking a slow sip from his steaming mug.

"I feel fine. I slept well and had a productive Occlumency session this morning," Harry replied. He poured himself a cup of coffee from the pot on the table. "How are you? How are the O.W.L. preparations going?" The fourth and fifth year classes were the ones that Harry did not help out with and gave him something to talk to Remus about since they spent most of their other time together.

"They are going well. Especially with the help they are getting from you, Ron, and Hermione in their extra sessions, I think we'll continue to see lots of high O.W.L.s in defense."

"I haven't really been teaching them anything that will help with their O.W.L.," Harry said. "But I still think it's important. I've been thinking…"

"Yes," Remus prompted.

"Well, I really want to get back into my training like I was before. I mean maybe this journey wasn't such a good idea right now. At the time it seemed like the right thing to do, but then all those things happened and things are different now. Things are more urgent, and I feel like I'm not really getting prepared."

"I thought you had talked about this with Jenner. Now is not the time for you to go off trying to find the horcruxes."

"That's not what I mean," Harry insisted. "I was just thinking that maybe I should go back to training with Professor Snape."

"Oh," Remus replied. "If you think that's best; I can talk to him."

"What do you mean? You don't think I should train with him?"

"I don't know, Harry. You're the best one to answer that question, but don't your magical surges usually have something to do with him."

Harry force himself not to roll his eyes. It was obvious to him that Remus and Jenner had spent too much time talking about him lately. "Maybe, but I really think I need to get my training from him. He's the best. And maybe working with him will help me get through these surges, whatever they are, so that they stop happening. Professor Snape would know what to do as well as anyone if they happened while I was training with him. He always seems to turn up when I get sent to the hospital wing."

"Alright, Harry. It's your decision, and I'll support it. But you will continue with your journey. If you think you're ready to move on from teaching, you can talk to Professor McGonagall," Remus said.

"Thanks Remus. And thanks for everything that I learned here while teaching. I'm really glad that you made me keep going with the teaching. I really enjoyed it and I know it's really important, but I don't think there is much more that I can learn here. I'll talk to Professor McGonagall today," Harry said. Professor McGonagall had not taken Professor Dumbledore's place on his Apprentice committee, but she was the logical person that he should visit for the next part of his journey.

During the break after lunch before afternoon classes, Harry stopped by the headmaster's office. He knocked on the door hoping that she would be there alone, and that he would have a chance to talk to her. He hadn't really spoken to Professor McGonagall since the headmaster's death. He suspected that he knew at least something of his apprenticeship training, but he didn't know if she would want to take him on during his journey. She didn't seem to take Harry's training on as as much of a personal level as Professor Dumbledore had.

"Come in, Mr. Potter," McGonagall said, and the door swung inward. Harry walked in and found Professor McGonagall sitting not behind the headmaster's desk, but in one of the couches in front of it glancing sideward towards the cabinet with the open Pensieve in it. Oh, perhaps she knew more than he thought from the headmaster's memories. Harry was pretty sure that Dumbledore knew that he was about to die, so he would have had time to prepare in that way.

"Please sit down," she said. Harry took the seat beside her.

"Do you know why I'm here?" Harry asked noting the pensieve.

"I'm not a mind reader, Mr. Potter," she replied.

"No, I just mean did Professor Dumbledore leave you memories about my apprenticeship committee?" Harry asked.

"That is personal information between you and your committee. Albus would not breach that trust and contract with you," she said.

"Oh, er well I didn't know that. I mean I didn't know he couldn't tell you since he knew you would be taking his place. Not as my master, I mean but as headmaster. You would need to know things, wouldn't you?"

"There are a lot of things that I wish I'd had time to talk about with Albus before he left us. He only managed to leave the things that he thought would be most important to the Order. I don't think even he expected to be leaving so soon. Now, what can I help you with today? How are your lessons going with Remus and the younger students?" McGonagall asked.

"The lessons are going well. I really like teaching them, but I don't think I'm learning anything from teaching right now. I need to move on. I don't know if you knew that my final journey was going to be with Professor Dumbledore," Harry said.

"Yes, I did know that. He was really looking forward to teaching you about leadership and the school. He tells me about that almost daily. I think he'd sill like to teach you some of Hogwarts secrets," she said.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

McGonagall took her gaze from him and turned to the back of the room where a new portrait of Professor Dumbledore hung. The professor in the portrait winked at him. "Oh?" Harry said.

"Of course he can't take responsibility for your journey," she said. "You will need more vital and hands on training, but I can provide that for you."

"You would do that?" Harry asked.

"Of course. But I need to know what you expect to get out of this training and what you intend to put into it."

"Well, er, I want to learn what it means to be a headmaster. Like what you do during the day and what your responsibilities are. How you decided what to do and how you lead the Order," Harry answered.

"And.."

"And I'll spend however much time doing that that it takes. But I plan to ask Professor Snape to take up my training again. If he accepts, I'll probably be with him in the evenings and mornings, but other than that I don't have any other responsibilities right now."

"Very well. But what about your DA classes that you are teaching?" she asked.

"Ron and Hermione are doing a great job with that. They don't need me there. Besides, I haven't even started trying to do spells again. I don't think there is anything that I can teach them right now."

"I want you to continue teaching DA," McGonagall said. "I have to have time to mark papers and will not be able to train you during that time anyway. The students really look up to you especially now. They need the training, and you are giving them the best practical training they have ever had."

Harry didn't really want to keep showing everyone how weak and poor at magic he was, and he was tired of everyone telling him that it helped the students to see him fail. He wanted to just tell her no, but he knew that she was right. Besides one of the important responsibilities of the headmaster was to protect the students in the best way possible. If she thought that his teaching them was important, he would have to do it. He also suspected that Professor Snape would want him to keep up that as well because it gave him other options for "after Voldemort". Harry wasn't convinced that there would be an "after Voldemort" for him, but he needed to let Snape think he did if he wanted to continue his training.

"A new room will be made for you off this room," Professor McGonagall pointed to the wall where a new plain looking door appeared. "Your things will be moved up tonight. You can set the password when you come then. I suspect that you will need to contact Severus now," she said.

"Yeah…" Harry said. He wasn't sure how to go about doing that though. Would Snape even accept any type of communication from him. Would he have to force it by using Professor McGonagall.

"He's been expecting you to call," she said. "This parchment contains his fire call password. You can't know where he's located, so this password is the only way you will be able to get in touch with him." McGonagall handed him a neatly folded parchment, which he put in his robes right away without reading it. Snape was expecting him. Had Snape expected him to call sooner? Harry refused to think on that at the moment. Now was the time that he was ready to call Snape.

"Thank you," Harry said. "Thank you for taking the Headmaster's place in my training. You didn't have to agree to the journey."

"I know that I didn't, but I think this part of your journey is very important, and I want to help you. Now go, Severus is worried about you."

Harry got up and walked back to Remus's room to use the fire. He knew that Remus would be in class for the rest of the afternoon until DA lessons. Snape was worried? What did that mean? Was he worried that he wasn't learning what he needed to, or was he worried about his magical surges, or was it more than that? Harry for once hoped that all Snape was worried about was his health and training.

Harry sat down on one of the kitchen chairs that he had moved in front of the fire. He opened the parchment and stared at if for a while. There were just two words scrawled on the paper, but he recognized the handwriting and the meaning right away.

"Purple elephant."


	5. Chapter 5

The Talisman VII: The Journey

By chips challenge

Chapter Five: Retraining

Harry took a deep breath and then spoke the words that would connect him to Snape's fire. "Purple Elephant." Harry knew from those words that Snape would be willing to train him without asking Harry to trust him again. At least not completely.

"Mr. Potter. Please step through," Snape's voice called. Harry could not see anything through the fire, but he suspected that was just for security. There might be some small chance that someone could hear or see what was going on while Harry was at Hogwarts. Harry knew that password would be changed at once; however, after he stepped thought the fire to Snape's certainly well-secured location, they would be free to talk.

Harry dropped the paper with the password on it into the flames and watched it burn to ashes, and then he stepped through the fire. He really wanted to just close his eyes and wait for Snape to speak to him first, but this had been his request. He was the one that wanted to continue training, and he would have to ask for it.

So, Harry kept his eyes open as he zoomed through the floo even though he felt the nausea starting to build up in his stomach. Then, abruptly, he stopped. There was only blackness in front of him. Harry didn't know where he was, but he had to assume that he was at his destination. He took a deep breath and then a tentative step forward.

Then, something grabbed him around the ankles and threw him to the floor hard. His fighting instincts began to kick in, and he focused on getting up but not leaving himself venerable; he expected an attack from any angle. However expecting an attack did not seem to be enough. Before he could get to his feet again, he saw a surge of light just before it smacked him in the face forcing him back to the ground. 'What spell?' Harry thought. He hadn't heard an incantation, but the color of the light should tell him something. Snape had begun teaching him to react to spells in the moment, and one of the things he had spoken about was the importance of recognizing the spell. He had to know what effects he would have to deal with. Blue…what spells had blue light?

Another flash of light…this time green. Harry tried to move out of the way as he saw the spell coming, but he found that his movements were slow. His brain felt muffled. He found it hard to think at all. Even with all the darkness in the room, he soon felt that even more darkness was closing in on him. How could it get darker than complete darkness? He started to feel something intruding on his mind. The darkness was trying to seep inside him. Harry automatically strengthened his Occlumency shields, which thankfully stopped the mental attack.

"Lumos!" Light filled the room and Harry found himself looking up at Snape who was looking down at him with a slight disappointment. "Well, at least you haven't lost your Occlumency skills."

He'd been practicing Occlumency every day. Harry knew how important Occlumency was and practicing it helped him relax and focus. He knew that he also should have been keeping up better with his other training even though the others hadn't wanted him to. He would have to fight Voldemort eventually; he shouldn't have let his skills lapse.

"I…" Harry tried to speak but found that his voice made no sound other than in his head. He tried to sit up so that he could at least look at Snape from a less compromising position, but he found that he couldn't move either.

"I have work to do this afternoon. You may use the time to find a way out of this situation for yourself. When you do, I'll be in my study." Snape turned abruptly and walked out of Harry's field of vision.

Harry sighed to himself and tried to relax his body at least internally. He felt no physical changes and started to feel his anxiety start to rise. Snape was just going to leave him here like this? Harry's rational mind told him that Snape wouldn't have left if it wasn't safe. Snape was in a safe house where no one knew where he was. Nobody would be able to come and hurt him. Snape also wouldn't have left him there if there was really no way for him to get out of it. Or maybe he would, Harry wondered. Maybe Snape was mean enough to make him lay there trying to think of everything that he could to get him out of the spell when the best response would be to not waste his energy trying and just wait for "the enemy" to come back. When "the enemy" came back, he would then have more strength than the other would expect, and he might be able to take him by surprise. No, Harry thought. He would have to try. Even if there was no way out, Snape would want to know how he came to that conclusion, and he wouldn't have any answers if he didn't try.

Harry decided first to clear his mind with a few Occlumency exercises, so that he would be able to stop thinking about what Snape though (and though of him and his poor performance) and be able to start working on solving his problem. He chose to just do a quick series of clearing and barrier strengthening exercises, because he knew if this had been a real attack he probably wouldn't have the luxury of time that he had now. He was pretty sure that Snape would enjoy knowing that he had his apprentice trapped on the floor without food or ability to even scratch his nose. That itch was driving him crazy, but he dove into his exercises with a fervency that allowed him to forget about all of his physical discomforts – at least for the moment.

When he came back to the present, he first thought about the colors of the spells. First blue then green. The initial part of the attack had been purely physical, and if he hadn't been so distracted or had been more vigilant, he would have been prepared for that and had a better chance fighting off the rest of the attack. He had assumed going to Snape would be safe, but in reality, he knew that was a poor assumption. Nowhere was really safe.

Harry though of all the blue and green spells that he knew limiting his attempts to those he actually knew the counter curses to, but he didn't find anything that helped him move or speak. He wasn't sure if he needed to speak to make the spells work; maybe that's why they weren't working. He'd never quite mastered silent spells. He could whisper the words so that no one could hear him, but he still said them. Wandless magic was hard enough.

Finally, he gave up and just decided to put up his shields so that if Snape came back when he wasn't paying attention, he wouldn't be caught completely off guard. As he felt the magic of his shield forming around him, he suddenly felt the urge to sneeze. And he did. He could move. Harry tried to sit up, but found that he didn't have that ability yet. Somehow the shield was helping to block the spell. He tried again this time with a stronger shield, and he found that he could sit up, but he still couldn't get up or speak.

Maybe the shields were keeping the magic from interfering with him internally. The shields could block spells that were already inflicted on him. He imagined doing his strongest shielding spell but internally instead of externally. He though of it sort of like doing Occlumency but with his entire body instead of just his mind. It worked! he though. He could feel the spells dissipating when they could no longer keep a hold of his core magic. He was free. Harry jumped up, but he didn't go immediately to Snape's study. He wanted to take a little time to prepare himself and congratulate himself for solving the problem, because he knew that Snape wouldn't give him time or mind for either. He was sure to be chastised for his lack of being prepared, and he knew he deserved that, but he wanted to just take a moment for himself beforehand.

Harry looked around the room he found himself in. It was much like the common room in Snape's quarters. There was the fireplace behind him where he had come through. There was no fire and not even any wood. But there was a pile of wood beside the fire place and a pot of floo powder on the otherwise empty mantle. There was a small table for eating in one corner and a couch in front of the fireplace. Two windows behind the couch showed a view of a rocky cliff and water far below. Harry wondered if they were on some kind of island. Beside the fireplace, there were two bookshelves that were for the most part empty. One of the shelves was stacked with books in an un-orderly and definitely un-Snape like fashion. Harry walked slowly over to the bookshelf and found a few titles that he recognized. These were the books that Snape had put out on the special shelf for him in his rooms.

Harry didn't touch anything though. He wouldn't put it past Snape to booby trap everything since he hadn't said Harry could touch anything. Finally, Harry decided that he should just go to find Snape. There was one door behind the table that was obviously led outside. There were two doors on the left side of the room and two more on the right. Harry decided to start on the left because that was where Snape's workroom was in his quarters, and Harry reasoned that Snape would set up this house the same way if he had the choice.

Harry knocked softly on the first door. He knew better than to just open it and go in. He didn't hear any response, so he moved on to the second door. This time after knocking, the door moved silently open. Harry took this as his permission to enter the room, and he did, but he made sure to be prepared for another attack.

"Relax, Mr. Potter, I am done with your training for today. I want to know what you have learned. What was your first mistake?" Snape asked from his desk.

Harry walked into the room completely and stood before the desk, but he did not relax. "Er, I wasn't prepared, Sir. I was a little distracted," Harry admitted.

"A little, hump. I haven't been able to attack you that easily since you were a beginning apprentice. I expected that you would retain at least the basic skills while you were away," Snape chastised.

Jenner wouldn't let me train, Harry thought to himself, but he knew that stating that aloud to Snape wouldn't do any good. Snape would see it as just an excuse, and he would be right. He should have kept up.

"And then…" Snape prompted.

"Then, I thought too much and didn't react fast enough. I was taken by surprise and was trying to analyze the situation rather than just react to it," Harry replied.

"Yes. I expect you to keep up your physical training on your own. You will come here every night at 7PM." Snape turned back to his work making it obvious to Harry that his training was done for the day. Snape hadn't said anything about trust or what happened before. Maybe he just didn't want to make it an issue so that they could just focus on training. That was probably a good idea, Harry thought, and he turned to leave.

"Thank you, Sir."

Harry flooed back to Hogwarts and went to his room of McGonagall's office. He found that all his things had been moved there, and in addition, there were some new books about history, strategy and fighting dark wars. Harry ignored them for the moment and laid back on his bed and closed his eyes. The first training had actually gone better than he had expected. He hadn't freaked out, he hadn't had a magical surge, he'd just been spelled by Snape as he had been many times before. He was just a little upset that he hadn't anticipated it at all. He figured he should probably get back to his spell training and physical workouts in more earnest now. He decided he would do spell work for an hour alone and training with the DA every night. That should be enough to get him back in shape if he added a run in the mornings. And, there was no better time to start than now. So, he rolled off his bed and headed up to the room of requirement. He wished that he could still have access to the training room that he'd used with Snape. He decided that he would ask McGonagall about that the next time they met.

The next morning after he had practiced his Occlumency and ran a lap around the grounds, Harry went to McGonall's office for his first Headmaster lesson. He wasn't sure exactly what to expect though, so he found himself feeling a little nervous.

When Harry entered the headmaster's office, it was empty. He put his books and notes down on the floor and sat in the chair beside the headmaster's desk where he had sat the previous day. Professor McGonagall had told him to make himself at home if she ever wasn't there, but he still felt like he was intruding on Dumbledore's private space – even though most of his strange devices and magical objects had been removed from the room. Past experience told him that he should not touch anything that he didn't know the function of. Harry took a deep breath and just stared at the floor as he waited.

"Ah Harry, it looks like we finally have some time alone. There were so many more things that I wanted to tell you before I left but as events had it I didn't have the chance."

Harry started at the familiar voice that he didn't expect to hear ever again. He turned around to look at the portrait of Professor Dumbledore on the wall in the line with the portraits of all the other previous headmasters. "P..Professor Dumbledore?" Harry asked uncertainly.

"There's no time for formalities unfortunately. What I have to tell you is important for your journey and for the decisions you will have to make in the future," the portrait said.

"Er…"

"That's right. I hear that you've gone back to training with Master Snape. I am glad to hear that. You will need to have keen skills that only he can teach you. It is also very important that you pay attention to the lessons Professor McGonagall has to teach you. I just wish that I had been able to teach them to you. In time, I'll be able to tell you about my time as headmaster at this school, but this is not that time. Do you have any questions you want to ask me?"

Harry heard so many questions rushing through his mind that he didn't know which to ask first, but from his previous encounters with the former headmaster, he knew that he was likely only going to get answers to a few of them and only the few that Dumbledore was prepared to answer. So, he decided to ask the one he though was the most important first. "Why did you let Snape kill you?"

Dumbledore gave a small smile and then replied, "Oh, it looks as if I've run out of time already. I hope we do have time to chat again soon. Good evening, Minerva."

Harry barley had time to react when the office door opened and Professor McGonagall motioned for him to follow her out of the room.

"Good evening, Albus. Sleep well," McGonagall replied softly.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six: Being a Headmaster, Part 1

By chips challenge

Professor McGonagall sat down behind her desk with a grim look on her face. "Unfortunately, we have some very important business to get to our very first meeting," she said.

Harry quickly closed his books and turned all of his attention to her. This was his first meeting with Professor McGonagall as a part of his journey; he didn't know what important business she would have for him on his very first day.

"You know that the most important business for the order right now is finding the horcruxes," she stated.

"Yeah…" Harry responded. "But I thought everyone was insisting that I couldn't help with that."

"You will not be going out to locate the horcruxes. That is not what we have to discuss. I am ultimately in charge of the Order. I make the final decisions. If you were headmaster, you would have to make those decisions, so I'm going to tell you the situation and let you make the decision," she said.

"You're really going to let me make a decision about something this important?" Harry asked. He didn't really know that what she was going to say was that important, but he could guess that it was from the look on her face and the lack of inflection in her voice. Anything about Horcruxes was important.

"What I am about to tell you is known only to members of the order and now you. Anything we discuss must be kept to this room or the order meeting room. Even if you are only with another member of the order, you still must keep silent. Even if you think you are in a secure location, you must keep silent. The only places that we can be sure are safe from prying ears are this room and the Order's room."

"Okay, I understand. But what about Snape's safe house," Harry asked suddenly. He didn't know right away why he would care. It wasn't like he was going to be discussing Order business with Snape."

"No, if you want to talk to Professor Snape about this topic, you will need to go to one of these two locations. We've run into trouble in the past because people though they were in secure locations. This rule is strict and absolute. If you can not commit to it, then I can not show you what it means to be headmaster," Professor McGonagall said.

"I understand, and I agree. I actually feel safer knowing that the Order is taking these threats so seriously and not trusting outsiders so freely."

"Professor Snape did help with that, though we have gotten most of the Order back to trusting him," she said.

"Most?" Harry asked. "You don't have Snape coming to meetings with people who don't trust him, do you?"

"No. Certainly not. Snape participates in Order missions only when he is most qualified. He brings information directly to me. He does not come to meetings, and he gets Order information only on a need to know basis."

"It's not you that doesn't trust him, is it?" Harry asked uncertainly. She had allowed him to go train with Snape. Surely she wouldn't have done that if she didn't trust him.

"I don't know who it is. We took a vote. A secret ballot. It was not unanimous. Who it was is not important. We can't have an Order where all the members don't completely trust each other, so he has been forced to the outside."

"That's unfair considering all he's done," Harry said not sure where his sudden need to stick up for his Master came from.

"Life isn't fair as I'm sure you know well, Mr. Potter. But that's not the problem the Order is facing right now."

Harry nodded knowing that they needed to get back on topic. Harry was actually starting to feel a little better and a little more confident. He didn't hate Snape. He still believed in Snape. Snape had believed in him, and believed that he would use this journey for it's purpose. He wasn't sure that he'd been doing that before, but he was going to start now and get the most of his experience.

"We have received tips about the locations of two of the remaining horcruxes."

"Two of the remaining? How many have you found?" Harry asked.

"We have found two: the Riddle diary procured by Professor Snape, and a locket. We know there was a total of six. Tom himself is one. We have heard from Snape that Hufflepuff's cup was mentioned at a Death Eater's meeting. It is thought to be held by a wizard in the South Martok Forest. That wizard likely does not know the importance of the cup," she said.

"Is that wizard working for Voldemort or for us?" Harry asked.

"The world isn't so black and white as that, Harry."

"I know that. That's not what I meant. I just wanted to know if he was a confirmed Death Eater. He's clearly not a member of the Order."

"He doesn't work for Voldemort. He's a free agent," Professor McGonagall said. "He tends to lean towards whomever is winning. Right now, we're not sure whom he would think that would be, but likely Voldemort. We plan to send someone to steal the artifact."

"Who are you sending?" Harry asked.

"That is an important question, but let me tell you about the other horcrux first. Tonks overheard someone at the Three Broomsticks talking about a wizarding family that was recently murdered by Death Eaters. Apparently, they had been questioning the family about the location of a small box thought to belong to Godric Gryffindor. They did not have it, but it may be hidden somewhere in their house. The Death Eaters did not destroy the house likely because they did not find what they were looking for and believe that it might still be there. We plan to send a team to that location to look for that potential horcrux."

"Who?" Harry asked more softly. If that many Order members were going surely it would be some that he knew personally.

"That is a decision that I have to make based on the qualifications of each member. I allow them to volunteer or to suggest members that might have specific qualification, but ultimately the decision is mine and they will do what I say. If you were headmaster, the decision would be yours," she said with her unwavering eyes piecing though him.

"Are you saying you want me to decide who to send on these missions?" Harry asked and before she could answer he added, "I can't do that. I don't even know who all the members of the order are, so how could I know who would be the most qualified. I would make the wrong decision or at least an uninformed decision."

"Take a deep breath, Harry. I will not allow you to make an uninformed decision. Being a headmaster is all about making difficult decisions. I did not say this would be an easy one."

"But you do expect me to make it," Harry stated.

"I need to know your decision by tomorrow night. I will give you skill lists of all the members that are available to go on this mission. You probably know more of the skills of some members that are in their files. We like to keep some information off of paper no matter how enchanted the paper is. Use all the information that you have. I also expect you to read up on the locations to see what skills might be necessary in each situation. Since you don't know much about arranging these missions, I will tell you that I think one member should go alone to the South Martok Forest, and a team of 3-4 should go the wizard's home. I'll give you all the information that we have about both locations, but I also expect you to use other resources that we have available in the library."

Harry took a deep breath as he felt the heavy responsibility falling over him. He had to choose who was going on two very dangerous missions. He could be sending someone to their death. Of course he could also help find some of the missing horcurxes. That was important, too. More important that a life? Dumbledore seemed to think so, but did he? Was the fate of the wizarding world more important than a few lives? Most people would probably agree, but most people didn't know the wizards in the Order. Those people would probably agree sending in someone qualified was a good idea as long as that qualified person wasn't their friend or child or parent. Could he really handle making decisions like this all the time that could ultimately affect everyone in the wizarding world?

"Here are the Order's files and the information that we have. I'll give you some time to get yourself familiar with them and then we can discuss the information and you can ask me any questions that you have," Professor McGonagall said handing Harry a thick folder of parchments.

"You mean you're not going to make me make this decision by myself?" Harry asked assuming that he would.

"You will have to make the decision by yourself, but I will discuss it with you and give you my opinions. As headmaster, you will be able to discuss your problems with other people, you just have to be able to make the ultimate decision and stand by your decision."

"Um, okay," Harry said. "I guess I'll read these now. When do you want to meet?"

"I would say tonight, but I know that you have training tonight, so early tomorrow morning. Say eight o'clock we can discuss it over breakfast," she said.

"Don't you have to eat in the great hall?" Harry asked.

"We can make an exception this once. It's important. After our discussion, you won't have much time to make your decision. I'm meeting with the Order in the evening. You will need to let me know your decisions before your training tomorrow evening."

"Okay," Harry said again. He took the information folder and picked up his backpack and took them into his room. He spent the rest of his time before his meeting with Snape reading over the materials. He studied the locations first. Then, he made a shorthand list of the skills each member had that might be useful for the missions. He didn't realize how long he'd been working until a house elf came in with his dinner. He only had an hour before his training with Snape.

He looked down at his short list for the individual mission. The forest was very dangerous and there were a lot of suspicious characters that found their way into that part of the country. He had to pick someone who knew a lot about dark creatures and lying. That made Remus Lupin and Severus Snape top candidates. He didn't want to send either of them, but they were clearly the most qualified. The second mission was a little easier. The members of the team didn't need as specialized skills. In fact, he thought that it would probably be best to choose members with diverse skills because he wasn't sure exactly what they would need. He decided he would discuss both more with Professor McGonagall. She would probably know better than he did what skills would be necessary for the second mission.

By the time he was finished eating dinner, it was time to head to Snape's safe house for his training. He had planned to spend a little time beforehand practicing his Occlumency, but there wasn't time for that now.

A piece of parchment had been left with his dinner with the new password to Snape's house. Harry used it to open the floo and he jumped in. this time he was prepared for Snape to attack him as soon as he fell out of the fireplace, but of course because he was prepared, Snape did not attack.. He didn't even appear to be expecting him. Harry found Snape sitting on the couch with a glass of wine reading a book.

Harry walked up to the couch and waited to be acknowledged. He looked down not at his Master but at the ground and waited. Finally, Snape looked up. "You are not dressed properly, Apprentice," Snape said.

Harry glanced down at his outfit. He was wearing his sweat pants and a t-shirt. That was what he'd been doing his physical training in since he came back to Hogwarts.

"From now on, you will wear your Apprentice robes when you come to training with me," Snape said.

"Yes sir," Harry replied.

"Today we're going to practice dueling. I need to see what skills you have lost since I last trained you."

Snape got up and walked to one of the closed doors that Harry had assumed was his bedroom but turned out to be a training room much like the one at Hogwarts. How long had Snape had this room, Harry wondered. Had Snape known that he would be coming back to train all along? Harry didn't really have much time to ponder that though. Snape met him at the middle of the room and bowed. Then he started firing spells at him.

Snape did all the spells wordlessly, so Harry couldn't prepare for any of them with anything other than his shielding charms. Good thing his shielding charms were strong and they were the only type of magic that he had really tried since coming into his magic. He was afraid to try anything more because he didn't want to trigger another episode.

He managed to block most of the things that Snape threw at him until he started firing spells Harry was sure were dark and not ever taught at Hogwarts. Snape kept firing them one after another after another. It finally became too much and they broke threw even his strongest shields. He felt them break through like knives biting into his flesh. He heard himself groan as he fell to the ground. The pain continued after he fell. Harry wasn't sure if that was because Snape continued to fire spells at him even when he was clearly down or if the spell was just continuing to work on him.

The pain faded as Harry heard Snape whisper a word and touch him with his wand.

"Get up and explain yourself, Apprentice," Snape demanded.

Harry jumped to his feet hoping that Snape wouldn't spell him again before he could answer. "I guess I need to work on my shielding charms more. They aren't strong enough for what you were throwing at me," Harry said.

"That would not matter. Shields can not be your only method of defense. If you do nothing, I can continue to fire spells at you. There will always be a point where your shields will not be strong enough. Have you forgotten how to do any other magic?"

"Er…I don't know, sir," Harry answered honestly.

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"I haven't tried," Harry said quietly. "I haven't done any spells since you know…" Harry clarified.

"I know? Are you now telling me what I know?" Snape demanded.

"No, sir. I mean I haven't tried any magic since I came into my magic," Harry said.

"So you have come into your magic now?" Snape asked.

"Er…I don't know. I've had a few surges since then." Harry knew that Snape knew this, but he answered anyway. He didn't want to get Snape angrier than he already seemed.

"D you plan to never do magic again? If that is true, I don't see the point of these meetings."

"No, I just…I don't know."

"You need to be offensive. I want you to try and break through my shields with whatever spells you can. Go."

Harry took a deep breath and sent his first spell towards Snape. It was a simple spell, but all he dared to do. Snape didn't even bother to shield the spell; he just stepped aside. He thought of a stronger spell to do and raised his arm. He thought of the incantation but then his body froze. His mind froze. He couldn't do it. He couldn't move.

"Apprentice. Potter. POTTER!" Snape yelled.

The voice snapped Harry out of his trance.

"Sit down," Snape said. "You are going to tell me what just happened there."

Harry felt his legs shaking and he wasn't sure how much longer he'd be able keep standing anyway. He was glad to sink to the mat. He was surprised when Snape sat down in front of him and actually look concerned rather than angry.

Snape just looked at him and waited.

"I can't do it," Harry said.

"You can't do it, or you won't," Snape said.

Harry looked down. He didn't really know that he couldn't do it. He just couldn't try. "I don't know."

"You don't know what?"

"I don't want to trigger another surge."

"You think that doing magic will cause another surge?" Snape asked.

"It's happened before. I mean when I tried some other things, but…" But that wasn't really what he was concerned about. He was more afraid of another emotional surge in combination with doing magic. He felt anxious enough just being around Snape.

"But what? What is preventing you from doing magic when you are with me? You will tell me now or you will tell Jenner, but until you I will not be able to train you."

"It's YOU alright!" Harry let out suddenly. "I know you couldn't tell me before, but you knew his death was my fault. YOU knew it was my fault and you couldn't even tell me. You just let me believe it was you. You let me get angry at you. I thought you would be honest with me. You were the only one, but no. I can't trust anyone." Harry felt his shaking increase, but he didn't feel a surge of magic.

"I did what I thought was best for you. You trust me to do that. At least you used to," Snape said calmly. "I don't suppose that you will believe me when I tell you that it wasn't your fault. Dumbledore had the whole thing planned all along. I never would have supported him if I knew how he planned to use you in his plan."

Harry sighed. He didn't know what to say. He was just relieved that he hadn't had another magic surge. Maybe he really was done. "I'm sorry, sir. I didn't mean to yell at you. I'm still confused, and I was afraid that it would trigger another surge when I was around you."

"You haven't talked to Jenner about this," Snape stated.

Harry shook his head. He hadn't talked to anyone. He was pretty much afraid that he would explode physically or emotionally like he just had. "You're right. I think I'm ready to talk to him now."

"You may go. Come back when you are ready and come prepared."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven: Being a Headmaster, Part 2

By chips challenge

Harry arrived back in his room off the headmaster's office feeling a little relieved and a little overwhelmed. He was relieved because he now felt a little less confused about how he felt about Snape and he felt that he could now use Jenner as a resource to help him, but he was overwhelmed because he had so little time and everything he had to do seemed very important. He had to make his decisions about the mission and talk to Professor McGonagall; he also had to talk to Jenner so that he could get back with his training. Training was important. He had to be ready when he was needed or all the work the Order did before hand would be for nothing.

But it was late, and he had already exhausted himself with the Order information and his dueling with Snape. He closed his eyes and sat up on his bed. He took a deep breath and brought himself into his mind. Even though he was busy and feeling overwhelmed, he knew that practicing Occlumency would help him in the long run. After practicing for thirty minutes, he changed into his pajamas and went to bed.

Harry awoke early the next morning and did his physical training. He could feel himself getting stronger as he ran. He didn't have to put as much effort into his movements. So, he just pushed himself a little harder. Always working harder was the only way to get better. He had to keep pushing.

He took a quick shower and dressed in his Apprentice robes for his meeting with Professor McGonagall. He had decided that he was going to start considering himself an Apprentice again. He was going to get back with training with Snape, and if everything went the way he hoped with his journey, he would go back to living with Snape and having Snape act as his Master. He was going to do everything that he could to make that happen, because being a Founder's Apprentice was how he was going to beat Voldemort.

"Good morning, Professor McGonagall," Harry said as he sat down beside her at a table that she had set up in her office. He put the folder of the Order files carefully down on the opposite side of the table from where they were sitting. The house elves were just leaving a tray of breakfast foods as he sat down. Professor McGonagall had already poured herself a cup of coffee, so Harry helped himself to some pastries and pumpkin juice.

"Good morning, Mr. Potter," she said giving his a double take after she noticed that he was wearing his Apprentice robes again. She then gave him a small smile.

They discussed the group mission first, per Harry's request because he thought that would be the easier decision. He got some useful tips from McGonagall and made notes on a piece of parchment as she spoke. He was pretty sure that he could make a good decision for that mission by the time they were done with the discussion.

"For the other mission, I have some people that I think would be the best from what I know about them," Harry said. "If there is someone that you think is more qualified that I don't mention…"

"Yes, Mr. Potter, I will let you know. Do continue," she said.

Harry sighed and took a deep breath. Professor McGonagall went back to sipping her coffee. He knew she could tell he was stalling if even for just a few seconds. He didn't want to commit his friend or his Master to a dangerous mission.

"I just keep hoping that I'm wrong," Harry admitted. "You know that there is someone else you could send who could do a better job. But I know how important this is. It's more important than my friendships or my training…." Was it more important than his training? He couldn't send Snape because then he wouldn't have anyone to train him, but that left him with just one other person.

"It has to be Professor Lupin," Harry stated.

"I hate to say it, but that is the choice I would have made as well," Professor McGonagall said.

"Do you want me to tell him?" Harry asked. He wasn't sure if he would be able to make that conversation, but if he really were headmaster, he would have to.

"No, I will make that announcement at the meeting tonight. I'm not sure all the members of the Order are ready to hear orders from you," she added.

Harry looked up. He wasn't used to getting that kind of honesty from anyone other than Snape and Remus.

"Yes, I think you should know the truth. There are still some people that don't think you have fully recovered from the past year's events."

"What did you have a vote on that, too?" Harry asked.

"No, but I hear things, and other members hear things that I don't."

"So, you're not going to ask me to join the Order, but you are going to ask me to make important decisions for them?"

"Hmmm, yes well, I know that you need the training. This may be your only chance before you get thrown into the job as heaven knows what's going to happen tomorrow."

"But I haven't even been made a Founder's Apprentice yet. I might not ever become one," Harry insisted not wanting to think about the reasons why he might be up for the headmaster job.

"I want to make sure you get the training and experience that you need for your journey, but I don't want to disrupt the Order. I trust you and trust that you will learn to make the important decisions," Professor McGonagall said. "Get me that list after lunch please."

Harry nodded noting his dismissal. He picked up his things and went back to his room. It didn't take him long to make the list of people to send for the second mission. When he was done, he threw some floo powder into the fire to call Jenner's office. He wanted to find out if he could get an appointment with Jenner, but he didn't want just assume that Jenner would make time for him, which was why he didn't contact Jenner personally.

"Jenner has been expecting your call," the secretary said. "He can see you this afternoon."

"Okay," Harry said. "Thank you."

So, he had the rest of the morning to himself. Harry decided to go and help with Remus's morning classes. He knew that he couldn't say anything about the mission, but he wanted to spend some time with Remus before he had to go.

After lunch, which Harry spent with his friends at the Gryffindor table, Harry went back to his room to practice Occlumency before his session with Jenner. When it was time, he threw some Floo powder into the fire and jumped in.

Harry found himself in Jenner's office. Jenner was sitting on a comfortable looking chair across from the fire. Harry gave Jenner a small smile, and he walked uncertainly towards the couch across from Jenner. He took a deep breath and said, "I think I'm ready."

"Good. Good, but I want to start with a relaxation exercise. You seem a little anxious," Jenner said.

"Umm yeah, I guess…I shouldn't be anxious though. I know I can talk to you."

"I am guessing that what you came to talk about with me is a difficult topic for you. Don't judge yourself on how you should feel. Just accept that it is how you do feel."

Harry took another deep breath and noticed the feelings of anxiety that he was having. He didn't try to change the feeling, he just noticed it. Yes, he was anxious. So what? Harry smiled again. He could be anxious and still talk to Jenner. "Thanks."

"I want to try something new for this relaxation exercise," Jenner said. "But make sure you tell me if it makes you feel uncomfortable."

"Okay," Harry said automatically. He knew he was safe with Jenner.

"Come sit with me by the fire." Harry got up and joined Jenner on the rug in front of the fireplace. They sat cross-legged facing each other.

"This will be easier for me if I can touch your hands. Is that okay?"

Harry nodded, but he felt his hands shake as he was reminded of how much this situation was like his first Occlumency lesson with Jenner.

Harry felt Jenner place his thumbs on his palms and then he felt Jenner's presence skirting on the outside of his mind. He didn't feel that Jenner was trying to break through his barriers; he was just there but oscillating sort of like a silent sound wave.

"Try to match yourself to my movements," Jenner said. Harry soon figured that he could oscillate his shields to mimic Jenner.

"Good. Now you try with me," Jenner said.

Harry didn't have much experience going in other people's minds. He much preferred his own. He had a what he thought was a somewhat irrational fear that he could get stuck in someone else's mind and not be able to get back to his own.

"It's okay. I can guide you. Follow me." Harry let himself continue to mimic Jenner's movements and he concentrated his focus and then moved to himself. Harry followed.

"Good. Now make a pattern and I will follow you." Harry felt weird like he was intruding in a private place even though he knew he was outside of all of Jenner's mental blocks.

"Okay," Harry thought. "I can do this." He spread his arms and envisioned himself flying though the air. Soon, he felt Jenner flying along side him. Then, he felt Jenner falling away. He tried to concentrate himself like he'd felt Jenner do and left to his own body.

He easily and quickly felt himself coming into the room. He opened his eyes. He noticed that his muscles were less tense and his mind was more focused.

"I just learned that technique from a colleague. I wanted to try it with you to see what you would do. You caught on to the technique very quickly," Jenner said.

"Did I do it right?" Harry asked. He knew that what he had done when he was in Jenner's mind was much different that what Jenner had done.

"There isn't really a right or wrong way to do it. Each person probably has their own way of moving."

"That's a great relaxation technique. Is there any way that I can practice it on my own?" Harry asked.

"You can try to focus on your consciousness outside of your blocks and see what you can do with it. That might be something for you to try when you're meditating."

"Okay," Harry said. He saw that Jenner was getting up, and he knew that it was time to start talking about what he had come to talk about.

"Where do you want to start?" Jenner asked after Harry settled himself down on the couch.

"Er well, I started training with Professor Snape again," Harry said.

"What was that like for you?" Jenner asked.

"It was easier than I thought. At least at first. Snape – I mean Professor Snape just dueled with me and attacked me. We just focused on training; that's all. But I was afraid to do offensive spells. I was afraid of another magical surge, but it wasn't just that - I was afraid of an emotional triggered surge, you know like what happened when I was staying with you. I didn't want that to happen again."

"And what did happen?"

"Professor Snape wanted to know why I wouldn't do the spells. I tried. I really did, but I couldn't. I just froze. But then I blew up at him. I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to say anything, but he insisted that I tell him or that I tell you. He said he wouldn't be able to train me unless I did."

"What did you say?" Jenner asked.

"Um, I said he was the reason that I couldn't. Because he let me believe that he had killed Dumbledore when really I had. He was one of the only people that didn't sugar coat things for me."

"Did you experience another magical surge?"

"No, I didn't. Nothing. Do you think it's really done?" Harry asked.

"I'm not an expert on these things. But I think so, yes. I don't think that you should be afraid to start practicing magic again. I think it's important that you learn what power you have now."

"Yeah, I know. That's one reason why I wanted to have Master Snape train me again. I think he would know the best way to train me with that. I think I can trust him to do that."

"But can you trust him?" Jenner asked.

"I don't know. He's kept things from me before when he thought it was best for me. But I thought that he would tell me something that important or at least he wouldn't let me believe that he did it. That might have prevented me from going to training with him at all. I wouldn't have been able to trust him at all if I really thought he killed Dumbledore.

"Why do you think you killed Professor Dumbledore?" Jenner asked.

"I was the one who forced him to drink that potion when we were in the cave," Harry said.

"And why did you do that?"

"Because Dumbledore told me to. He said no matter what I should make sure that he drinks it all. I didn't have to make him drink it. I could have drunk it myself. There wasn't even a horcrux there. He drank it for no reason. He died for no reason."

"Was there no reason? Are you sure the potion killed him? He knew that his time was coming. I think he might have wanted to go on his terms, and when he could make the biggest impact. What are the facts?" Jenner asked

"I made him drink the potion," Harry said.

"Yes, and what did the potion do?"

"It made him really ill."

"Okay so Professor Dumbledore got ill from a potion that you forced him to drink. Why did he want to drink the potion?"

"Because he had to to get the horcrux, but there was no horcrux there."

"Did either of you know that?" Jenner asked.

"No, of course not."

"So what did you learn from Dumbledore's actions about horcruxes?"

"That he will go to great lengths to find them even if it kills him," Harry stated dully. He could see where Jenner was leading him. "Finding the horcruxe was more important to Dumbledore than even his life. But why did he have to make me do it?"

"I think that he wanted to show you how important finding the horcruxes would be and how skillfully they would be hidden. Looking for horcruxes is a dangerous business."

"He didn't want me to go off looking for them," Harry sighed as he knew that he was sending off Remus to do just that, but he couldn't say anything about it.

"But then Dumbledore must have assumed that I would think I should keep myself alive for the final battle," Harry continued.

"You don't think that?"

"Well, I do now. I guess he was right. And, he was able to get Snape back in favor with the Dark Lord by letting him kill him or appear to kill him. Dumbledore never could just come out and _say_ anything. I know I'm not going to be like that if I ever become headmaster."

"Hopefully, if you become headmaster, it won't be necessary to be so sneaky."

"I don't think I know how to be that sneaky. I would just get confused," Harry paused and looked down at his hands. "But now I keep thinking about all the other things that Snape might be hiding from me."

"Do you really tell Professor Snape everything?" Jenner asked. "Do you think it's fair to expect him to tell you everything? Just like Dumbledore can't always tell you everything before hand. Even he sometimes made mistakes with what information to disclose to you. You can probably imagine how hard it has been for both of them to know things they can't yet tell you. They didn't do it to hurt you."

"Yeah I guess. It's always in my best interest. Someday the time will come when I will be the one who knows what's in my best interest. But it's not like I know any secrets to keep from Snape anyway. I'm never the one who has more information."

"You know a great deal more about what's going on than most people. Even more than most people at Hogwarts – teachers included," Jenner stated.

"Yeah, I guess that's true. I never know if things would turn out different if I knew more or not. I just guess that it would, but I don't know that."

"Our time is about up," Jenner asked. "Is there anything else that you want to discuss now?"

"Nothing urgent," Harry replied.

"Do you want to come back?"

Harry looked up. He guessed that Master Snape would probably want him to keep seeing Jenner, but did he want to come back? He knew Jenner could help him even if it wasn't easy. Yes, he nodded. "Thanks for seeing me today," Harry said.

"I will always make time to see you, and not just because I am a member or your apprentice committee," Jenner said making a nod to Harry's Apprentice robes.

"Oh yeah, the committee. I think I'm starting to learn what I need to on my journey after all. It just took a little more time than I thought it would to realize it. I'm starting to think that I might finish my apprenticeship. I wasn't so sure before."

"I'm glad to hear that. Maybe we can talk about that next time."

"Okay," Harry answered. Harry threw some Floo powder into the fire and returned to his room at Hogwarts. He went directly to his desk and wrote a note to his Master saying that he was ready to start his training in earnest again. He got a note back saying just, "jabberwocky."


	8. Chapter 9

The Talisman VII: The Journey

By chips challenge

Chapter Nine: Final Session

Sorry, I seem to have lost chapter 8. I don't have it anywhere. It's probably the best chapter in this story. But it will have to do without for now :( This is the last chapter from before…

Harry heard an incessant squeaking sound in the back of his consciousness. As hard as he tried to ignore it and continue flying high on his broom during the final of the Quidditch World Cup, the sound didn't stop. It just got higher and louder and louder. Finally, Harry grunted and snapped his eyes open. Whatever it was making that sound was about to get thrown across the room.

"Good Harry Potter is awake," Dobby said bouncing up and down continuing to make the squeaking sound.

"Good," Harry grunted. "Dobby can stop making that sound." Harry found that he was slumped over his desk laying on one of the books McGonagall had left him with the previous night.

"Dobby is sorry Harry Potter, but Harry Potter is sleeping and Harry Potter told Dobby to wake him if he fell asleep."

Harry rubbed his eyes. He had a vague memory of telling Dobby something like that the night before, but he must not have been thinking straight. But the noise finally began to fade, and Harry decided just to forget about it. Looking out the window, he saw that the dawn was just beginning to break. He looked at his desk. He had finished two of the books by writing out all of the notes in English in long hand to give to Professor McGonagall. There were some clues about where some of the remaining horocruxes might be hiding, but he had decided not to think on it too much. That wasn't his job. His job was just to translate the notes and he could do that faster if he didn't think much about what he was writing.

"Thank you, Dobby," Harry said finally. Dobby smiled still bouncing up and down. He put his tray down on Harry's desk and removed the top. There was a cup of coffee and some biscuits. How Dobby had managed to keep the coffee from spilling with all his jumping, Harry didn't know, but he was thankful for the energy boost. He took the mug and took a slow, long sip. The next time Harry looked up, Dobby was gone. It was time for him to get back to work.

A few moments later, Harry heard a knock on his door and he looked up. Professor McGonagall was peeking her head through the doorway.

"Oh you didn't stay up all night working, did you Mr. Potter," she said. From looking at her, Harry guessed that she had just been woken by the bouncy house elf, also.

"No," Harry replied. "Not really. I must have fallen asleep sometime. I just now woke up when Dobby brought me some fresh coffee."

"Yes, yes," Professor McGonagall said. "Dobby does do a lot of nice things for us. I'll have to make sure to send him some new socks. How is the translating going?"

"I've finished these two books, but I still have two more and the rest of this one," Harry said pointing the open book on his desk.

"That's amazing," Professor McGonagall said glancing over the notes that he had made. "You were able to read everything?"

"Yeah, I guess so. At first I had to say everything out loud to understand it, but now I can just write it directly. I almost don't even read what I'm writing, but it goes faster that way."

"Thank you, Mr. Potter. This will be extremely helpful. Can I take these now?" she asked. "I'd like to have the Order start analyzing them right away."

"Yeah sure," Harry said.

"I want you to take a break now," she said. "I think you should practice your Occlumency and do your physical training this morning. You can get back to the translating in the afternoon."

"But I thought this was really important," Harry protested. Just the thought of doing physical training at the moment made him want to crawl into bed.

"It is important, but so is keeping up with your training, and I don't want you to get exhausted from translating. I would rather wait and have accurate translations. Now go on," she said.

"Oh, there was one thing that I wanted to talk to you about," Harry said remembering what he had wanted to tell her right after his training session with Snape the previous night.

"Go on," McGonagall said.

"I think I'm ready to go back to being an Apprentice."

"Very well," she said. "Your things will be moved your Master's safe house during your training."

That was it? Harry wondered. She wasn't going to insist that she talk to Jenner or at least communicate with Snape.

"When you are ready, you are ready," McGonagall said. "I agree that you have learned all you will learn from me right now and I think it is important that you get back to your full training with Master Snape."

Harry nodded. "I'll still finish the translations, of course," he said. "I think Master Snape will give me time to do that if you maybe nudge him a little."

"I'm sure if you let him know what you are doing, he will give you the time you need. Thank you for the help you have already given us."

"Thank you for helping me with my journey," Harry replied.

Harry remembered that he also had a session with Jenner scheduled for this morning. He had thought he would be forced to talk to him about becoming an Apprentice again, but now he just didn't want to go. Yes, there were things that he should probably talk about but did it matter right now? Probably not. The important thing right now was his training. But Harry knew that if he planned to become an Apprentice again, that Snape would want him to go.

Harry went up to the astronomy tower to practice his Occlumency. He knew that it was still early enough that he shouldn't run into any students. He found the classroom empty and dimly lit by the rising sun. Harry walked over to one of the bookshelves that was under one of the taller windows, and he climbed the bookshelf so that he could sit on the window sill. He closed his eyes and placed his monitoring device on his temple. He hadn't used the device in a long time because nobody had been checking up on his to see how he was doing with his practice, but he expected that now he was an Apprentice again, he would be tested. He wasn't worried about that, though, because Occlumency practice was the one thing that he had kept up consistently during his journey.

When his time was up, Harry went directly outside to run and go through his exercises. Then, he went back inside and showered in the in by his room in the headmaster's office. He found that his things were indeed gone. There was a note on the desk telling him the password to Snape's room. Harry committed to password to memory and burned the note. He found one set of Apprentice robes in the bathroom for him when he finished his shower. Harry dressed and spelled his hair dry. He still had a half hour before his scheduled appointment with Jenner. He knew he could spend the time translating, but that would require him to go to Snape's rooms and he didn't want to do that just yet. He found that he really did want to talk to Jenner about it and he wanted to have time to actually talk to Snape when he did go back to his rooms. He decided just to go outside and take a walk.

A few minutes before his appointment, Harry Apparated to Jenner's office. He was directed to the waiting room as usual. There were several magazines sitting on the table in front of him, but Harry just stared at them not even reading the titles. He always felt too nervous to read anything while he was waiting. Even though he had been talking to Jenner for a long time and he trusted him completely, Harry still felt nervous every time he sat in this waiting room. He felt a little more nervous this time because he knew that he would have to explain why he wanted to go back to living with Snape again even though he didn't trust Snape completely.

The side door opened and Jenner stepped out. "Good morning, Harry," he said. Harry got up and followed Jenner back into his office. Harry could feel his breathing start to get shallower as he sat down in his usual chair beside Jenner's desk. He took a few deep breaths as he waited for Jenner to settle down.

"Is there something that you would like to start with today?" Jenner asked seeming to notice that Harry was a little more anxious than usual.

"I don't know," Harry said slowly. "I guess…I mean I decided that I'm going to go back to being an Apprentice."

"That sounds pretty important. Tell me more about it."

"Well, you know that I've been back training with Master Snape. Well, he doesn't treat me the same when I'm not an Apprentice. He lets me get away with things that I know he wouldn't if I were an Apprentice," Harry explained.

"Get away with what kind of things?" Jenner asked.

"Well, um…okay I questioned his directions and I didn't do what he said the first time. I talked back to him a little – but it was only because I thought what he was asking me to do was going to hurt him."

"So are you saying that you don't trust him?" Jenner asked.

Harry paused. He wasn't sure how to answer that. No, he didn't trust Snape everyone including Snape knew that. But really did he trust the man? Would he really want to go back to being an Apprentice if he didn't?

"Why don't you tell me what you're thinking right now and we can work through it together," Jenner suggested.

Harry nodded and took another deep breath. "I guess I don't know if I trust Snape…I mean Master Snape. I don't know if I should trust him. I want to trust him and I want things to be back like they were before. Back then, I knew my what my boundaries were and what his were. I knew what I could get away with and what was out of line. I knew that Snape wouldn't do anything to really hurt me; he wants me to be trained well…maybe if I'm an Apprentice, I don't have to think about whether I *should* trust him or not because I just have to do it."

"Do you think that I should trust Professor Snape?" Jenner asked and when Harry didn't answer right away he added, "what about the Order? Should they trust him? Should Professor McGonagall?"

Harry felt himself nodding as the list grew. Yes, they should all trust him. "Snape isn't going to betray them to Voldemort or anything," Harry said. "I mean that's what the people in the Order are worried about. Some of them think that he killed Dumbledore on Voldemort's orders. I know he didn't. I believe him when he tells me that it was all part of Dumbledore's plan. But that's not why I don't trust him," Harry added.

Jenner just nodded warmly waiting for him to continue.

"He didn't tell me alright. I'm mad because he didn't tell me. He got all upset when I didn't trust him to tell him things and…and…" Harry found he couldn't continue. Snape was right Harry should have told him. "And he was right. I don't know what to think. It's hard for me to keep doing all these things when I know that people are always going to be keeping things from me. I know I've had this conversation before. I think I just have to accept that I can't know everything. It's probably not safe for *anyone* to know everything. I guess that makes McGonagall or Dumbledore before him the most wanted on the Death Eater's list."

Harry took another breath and waited to see if Jenner would have anything to add to his rant. "Maybe I'm just looking for an excuse," he paused, "or permission I guess. Permission to trust him again."

When Harry looked up at Jenner for a reaction, he noticed that Jenner was looking slightly above his head and his head was tilted as if he were trying to hear a faint sound.

"What?" Harry asked.

"Shh-" Jenner said. "Go out that door, now," he commanded quietly and pointed to the exit door away from the waiting room. "Apparate to Hogsmeade and get news to McGonagall as quickly as you can."

"What about you?" Harry asked.

"Go!" The desperation that Harry had never heard before in Jenner's voice told him to obey, not to ask questions just to do it. He got up and was frozen in place by the explosion of the door behind him. A larger piece of wood flew across the room and hit Jenner square on the head.

Harry tried to look through the smoke to see what had caused the explosion. His brain told him to run! Get out of there! Quick! But he couldn't move. What about Jenner? He couldn't just leave him there. Soon he was surrounded by figures in dark robes all with their wands pointed directly at him.

Harry felt his magic crackling within him as he put up the strongest shields he could muster. He might not know all the offensive spells he would need to win this fight but he would do his best to protect himself. Maybe he'd actually be able to tire them out. Then, he could run.

"Don't think about running, Potter or he gets it," one of the dark figures said nudging another who moved his wand from Harry to Jenner's prone figure.

"NO!" Harry yelled.

"Now!" the Death Eater commanded.

"AVADA KEDAVRA!" All the Death Eaters yelled at once.

Harry instinctively ducked as all the curses came towards him. His shields were strong, but he didn't think they were strong enough to block the five killing curses that were coming towards him. He waited huddled on the ground waiting for death. He heard nothing; he felt time slow down. So this was what his last moment would be like. NO, he wasn't going to spend his last moment like the scared little kid that he was. He spread his arms and called upon all his magic and focused it. He was going to take out as many of them as he could.

Harry expected to feel the cold fright of the killing curse hitting him any moment. He saw the green light charging towards him, but then nothing. The light was gone. The Death Eaters were all lying on floor. He could tell that they were dead. He recognized the look of fright that came from dying by the killing curse. Then he looked over to where Jenner had fallen. His face was peaceful. Had he already been…? Harry felt himself starting to shake. No, it couldn't be true. He couldn't be…Harry couldn't even make himself think the thought. Soon, he felt the cool breeze of outside on his skin. He was being Apparated away, but the images stayed fresh in his mind. Death. It was all around him.


	9. Chapter 10

The Talisman VII: The Journey by Chips Challenge  
>Chapter Ten: What Becomes<p>

The smell of fresh grass slammed into Harry's consciousness. All he wanted to do was close his mind against the world, but it was too bright and too loud.

"Is he hurt?" a voice growled.

"Don't know," was the quick response.

"Get him out of here."

Harry felt someone grab onto his wrist, but he instinctively jerked away. He pulled his arms in tight to his body and rolled away. By the time he was able to look back at his assailant, the man – dressed in dark Auror robes – was lunging towards him again.

Harry kept shrinking back and trying to get himself out of the way. He was too slow, and he knew it, but he couldn't stop trying. No, he had to go back. He had to help Jenner. He felt something building up inside him, but this time he wasn't afraid. This time he welcomed the power. And this time it came without pain.

He released the power around him and didn't even wait to see what the consequences were. He pushed himself to his feet and ran blindly in the direction that his instincts told him to go. He lashed his power towards anything that came near him on his way towards his goal.

He felt his body run into a physical barrier and behind that barrier Harry felt nothing but the dark power of death. He had to get inside. He had to help. He felt that his power was draining, but he surged forward. He tripped over things that he didn't bother to look for. He opened his mental shields hoping to find something that would guide him, but he felt nothing.

He paused for the first time since getting up. He looked around and saw nothing but destruction. Nothing. There was no one left to save. No one there to kill. No revenge. Nothing. He heard sounds of things falling. Shouting. Pressure coming down on him. Walls coming down. Everything was falling down. He put his hands over his head in an attempt to block out the noise or a weak attempt to block out the world. Nothing helped. Everything just got louder and brighter.

Suddenly, Harry felt two firm hands on his shoulders holding him securely from behind. He didn't feel afraid; the hands made him feel safe. He struggled to turn away and to break free, but he felt the other's presence in his mind, and he didn't move. He felt himself falling more securely into the hands behind him as his body sank down to the ground. The familiar presence nibbled at his mental shields. It wasn't trying to break into his mind, it was trying to break him out of his thoughts. At that point, Harry gave in and relaxed. He agreed to leave. He knew there was nothing he could do if he remained.

When he arrived in the hospital wing, Harry took all the potions that were offered to him. He expected to fall quickly into oblivion, but all he felt was his pain dissipate and his body relax. His eyes were closed, and he knew he could have been asleep, but he wasn't. His mind started to clear, and he could hear and understand all the voices around him.

"He took out four Aurors"

"With a broken leg."

"Half out of his mind."

"Do you think it's safe to keep him here?"

"We'll need to contact the ministry."

"They'll probably want to keep him at St. Mungo's."

At first, Harry thought they were talking about one of the attackers, but soon he realized that they were talking about him. He wasn't safe. They wanted to keep him at a hospital. He didn't care. Maybe they were right, and it wasn't like he could do anything to help anyone.

"Out, out, out!" exclaimed Madam Pomfrey. "This is still my hospital wing, and Mr. Potter is my patient. He needs to rest. Go have your discussions elsewhere."

"Fine. You just make sure that he doesn't leave."

"How exactly do you think he's going to go anywhere?" Madam Pomfery asked exasperatedly.

"You just make sure."

Harry distinctly heard that Madam Pomfrey did not answer; she just stalked to the door and closed it loudly behind the last visitor. He heard her take a deep breath and then march directly back over to his bed.

"Listen Harry," she said softly. "You have to leave now."

Harry wanted to pretend that he was asleep. He wanted to ignore her.

"I know what I gave you, and I know you can hear me. You better be listening." She didn't wait for a response, and Harry wasn't sure he could have given her one.

"Your left leg is broken in two places. I've bound it as tightly as I could in a magical splint. I couldn't risk giving you a bone mending potion right now. I've covered most of your other injuries and Severus can get the rest. You need to leave now. Come on, get up."

Again, she didn't wait for him to answer or respond. She just started scooping him up off the bed. Harry had enough dignity left to prevent her from actually picking him up as he struggled to sit up on his own. He started to feel pain seeping slowly into every part of his body, but he was able to ignore it. He knew the potions he'd been given must be very strong since he was able to put weight on his broken leg. With Madam Pomfrey's help, he was able to drag himself over to the fireplace. She handed him a piece of parchment and a pinch of Floo powder. Harry quietly spoke the password and allowed himself to be transported to his Master's safe house.

His arrival jarred his body so much that he had to bite his lip hard to prevent himself from crying out. He felt Snape's arms catching him before he could fall to the ground. He was led across the room to the couch where Snape helped him to lay down. They didn't speak, and Harry was grateful for that. Harry knew that it must be bad and that it would only be for tonight, but Snape was giving him a break, a short rest before he would be required to face everything that had just happened.

"I'm going to take off your leg brace, give you a bone mending potion, and then a dreamless sleeping potion. Do you understand?" Snape said. He wasn't really asking, Harry knew, but more like telling him what was going to happen. Harry knew that he had the option to refuse the dreamless sleeping potion but not the others. But he wanted the dreamless sleeping potion. He wanted it more than he knew he would get from Snape, but he would take what he could and so he did not argue.

Harry gritted his teeth as he felt Snape manipulating his leg brace. With a swift tug and sharp bolt of pain, he knew his leg was free. He felt air on his bare leg and knew that his clothing must have been removed as well.

"I will tend to this after you are asleep," Snape said without inflection. Harry choose not to wonder what Snape was talking about. Again, Harry knew that he could refuse. He could demand to stay awake while he was treated. Snape would not do anything to his body without his permission. But Harry gave his permission by saying nothing. He did not want to be involved.

He heard Snape get up and gather potion bottles from a nearby table. The first he was handed was thick and green, and he knew that it was to mend his broken bone. He didn't hesitate, he just gulped it down. The second one he was handed was one of Professor Snape's dreamless sleeping potions. The faint odor almost gave him comfort - if anything could. He knew that he would be safe and protected from his thoughts for at least a short while. He drank the second potion and waited for his peace.

"I am giving you one night, Mr. Potter," Snape spoke softly. "Only one night. I expect you back tomorrow." Harry closed his eyes and let the potion overtake him.

-&-

Harry woke to his pain. It focused mostly in his leg but was present also in his hands chest and head. It started with a slow throb and then intensified with each moment that he tired to ignore it. Finally it got the point that he couldn't keep still any longer. He must have made a noise when he tried to sit up because when he opened his eyes, he found Professor Snape looking down on him.

"Are you in pain this morning?" he asked.

Harry knew better than to try and shake his head in his condition and simply replied, "No." He wasn't really sure why he had lied. He was pretty sure that Snape knew the truth. Maybe he just didn't want to show any weakness. Maybe he deserved to feel pain.

Snape did not reply; he just started working on taking off the bandages on his leg. However, once Snape touched his leg, Harry could think of nothing but the white hot agony running through his body. All he could focus on was not screaming and not passing out.

The pain lessened enough for Harry to bring himself back to the present. Professor Snape was standing in front of him not attempting to touch him now with a blank expression on his face.

"Rate your pain from 1 to 10," he said. Harry could see the small collections of potion bottles on the end table beside his Master and he knew that he would get a different mixture for each answer.

Harry turned to look towards the ceiling as he answered, "seven."

Snape said nothing, and Harry turned his head to watch as Snape poured what Harry was sure were exact amounts from three of the small bottles into a goblet. Snape handed him the goblet, and Harry drank it without comment.

As he felt the pain quickly starting to dull, Harry realized that having pain gave him something to focus on. Something other than trying to think back to what had happened the previous day. That was something that he was sure that he didn't want to think back on.

Snape began removing the bandages on his leg and the pain was bearable even when his Master began moving his leg through its full range of motion. Once Snape seemed satisfied, he moved on to the bandages on Harry's chest and finally the white clothes that covered each of his hands. Harry could feel Snape carefully examining what must have been injuries on those parts of his body, but he didn't look to see for himself. Finally, Snape released his hand gently down to the couch and stepped back.

"You should go take a shower and then let me treat those wounds again," Snape suggested.

This type of suggestion, Harry knew he could refuse, but he couldn't think of any reason to. He nodded slowly.

"Can you speak, Apprentice?" Snape asked.

Harry honestly wasn't sure if Snape knew that answer to that question though he had already spoken that morning. Harry looked up and learned nothing from his professor's expression.

"Yes. I mean Yes, sir," Harry replied.

"Good. Come back here when you are finished." Snape turned his attention away from Harry and headed towards what Harry assumed was his bedroom/workroom. He'd left Harry to get up on his own, and Harry found that he was quite capable of getting himself up and walking to the bathroom. His leg and body felt almost numb, but everything worked as it should.

He turned on the water and removed his shorts, the only clothing that he was still wearing. He felt clean after he stepped out of the shower. Clean and exhausted. He put on another pair of clean shorts, all that had been left for him and ran his fingers through his wet hair while he looked at himself in the mirror. I look fine, Harry though. Just like normal. He looked down to his chest, which was covered with large purple bruises. Not that bad, he though. He moved his hands in front of his face and turned his palms around to face him. He could tell that a lot of healing had been done on them already, but they were still red and raw. He let them fall down by his sides. He didn't wonder what happened. He was fine, unlike all the people that didn't ever come out of the building. He turned around and walked back into the living room.

Snape was not in the living room, so Harry went back to the couch and sat down and waited. He stared out the window at the forest outside and did his best to clear his mind. Harry was well into his Occlumency practice when Snape came into the room. Of course Harry was aware of what was going on in the room around him even when he was practicing Occlumency and he knew that Snape knew that, so he just decided to end his practice and see what Snape required of him.

Professor Snape had his arms full of medical supplies and potion bottles, which he placed on one of the tables beside the couch. This time, Snape sat down next to Harry on the couch.

"I need to treat your hands at least one more time," He said.

Harry nodded and then said, "Yes, sir...I mean okay." He held his hands out towards his professor and Snape began coating them with a cool paste.

"You used your hands to break through a brick wall," Snape explained without being asked. He continued tending to his hands by wrapping them carefully in bandages. He did this while looking Harry in they eyes as he continued his explanations. "Magic surged through your hands to help you. Your power and the physical stress was too much for your flesh.

Harry didn't say anything, but he didn't look away either. "Do you remember that happening?" Snape asked.

"Not really," Harry answered honestly. "I remember the barrier and then I remember it not being there, but not really how it happened."

Snape nodded. "You chest and leg were injured during the initial attack, I believe."

"I did it with a broken leg," Harry stated remembering what he had heard in the hospital wing.

"Did what?" Snape asked.

"Took out four Aurors and went half out of my mind," he responded.

"You didn't kill them, Harry," Snape said. "They were just knocked out."

Relief? Harry wasn't sure. He hadn't really believed that he had killed four Auror's had he?

"You're not crazy," Snape said.

"How do you know?" Harry asked. While he was willing to believe that he was sane at the moment, he was pretty sure he hadn't been at that moment after the attack.

"The bond. I know what you are feeling. You were overwhelmed and acting on instinct."

"I thought you didn't use that," Harry said.

"Normally, I don't, but this was an extreme situation. I thought you were in danger, and I didn't know what was happening. I was able to ascertain that you needed my help."

"I'm not mad that you did. I was out of control. I couldn't have stopped on my own," Harry said.

"You are still afraid of your magic, and you have not been trained. We are going to fix that as soon as possible."

"They're afraid of me, aren't they? That's why they want to put me in St. Mungo's."

"Who said they wanted to put you in St. Mungo's?" Snape demanded.

"The men. The Aurors in the hospital wing."

"They were afraid," Snape admitted. "But you're not going to St. Mungo's. They know where you are and have agreed to let me train you."

Harry's eyes got wide. How could they know where he was? And if they knew where he was, then they must know where Snape was.

"They do not know exactly where you are or where I am. But they really had no choice but to let you stay. All of Hogwarts and the Order supports it and the Ministry can't go against that. They have made some conditions, but we can talk about them later."

"Oh..."

"Get dressed in your Apprentice robes. We're going to Jenner's Wake."

Harry felt like a ton of bricks had just landed on his chest and his breath was knocked out of him. He hadn't asked if Jenner were okay, because he knew the truth. Snape had just confirmed it.

He couldn't go. He just couldn't. The list of reasons was endless. It was his fault that Jenner was dead. HE couldn't bear to hear everyone tell him that it wasn't his fault (or that it was). He was supposed to save the whole wizarding world and he couldn't even protect one person from a small attack. Everyone was putting their hope in the wrong person, and they had evidence of that now. He decided to take the cowardly way out.

"I don't want to go to Jenner's Wake," Harry said. He wasn't completely sure that was true. He wanted to ask Jenner for forgiveness. He wanted to say goodbye if he could. But he didn't feel like he could. He didn't have that right.

"I didn't ask you if you wanted to go." From his tone, one that Snape very rarely brought out with him, Harry knew there was no room for negotiation. He would be going.

"I can't go..." Harry pleaded. "You can't go." Maybe that was a better way to go. Snape couldn't be seen out in public and Harry wouldn't go with anyone else.

"We will be wearing your invisibility cloak."

"But I can't. What if it happens again? I can't risk... I can't control it. You know that," Harry stated though he didn't want to admit it.

"Alone, no, but with me, YOU know that you can."

Harry felt his shoulders slump. He had no more excuses left.

"Don't you want to pay your respects to Jenner? He did a lot for you...for both of us."

Harry nodded. Jenner deserved to be honored. He deserved much better than what he got. Harry pulled himself off the couch and took the offered clothing from Professor Snape and went to the bathroom to get ready.


	10. Chapter 11

The Talisman VII: The Journey  
>by chips challenge<br>Chapter Eleven: And now...

Nice was the word that Harry would have used to describe the wake. The ceremony had been in honor of all five people who had lost their lives in the attack. Harry and Snape had been forced to watch everything from the corner of the room where nobody would accidental run into them. There had been live music representing the favorite songs of all the honored dead. People had been given the opportunity to speak if they wished. It was during this portion of the ceremony that Harry learned about many other people that Jenner had helped during his lifetime. He felt bad that he couldn't share with them and with everyone what Jenner had done for him. On the other hand, though he really had no desire to speak about such private things to strangers, but he thought they should all know that he wouldn't be here today or in any condition to help them all with the war looming ahead if it weren't for Jenner. Harry knew that he had to do something for Jenner - something that would honor him and something that would help make up for the fact that Harry couldn't do anything to help him when Jenner had needed it most -in two situations actually. He had a lot to make up for.

As soon as they had returned from Jenner's wake, Professor Snape had gone into his private room and closed the door. Harry had seen that Snape had been affected by the ceremony, and he felt a little guilty that he was glad that Snape hadn't wanted to talk with him afterwards. Maybe Harry should have been the one to try and comfort Snape, but he didn't have any idea what to say, and he wanted to be alone himself. Harry had not heard a sound from the room in the past three hours, time which he had spent meditating and practicing his Occlumency

When thinking about what he could do to honor Jenner and get on with his life, The first thing that came to Harry's mind was he had to get over his fear of his own magic. He had to learn to control it and how to use it so that he could do what he had been prophesied to do. If he couldn't do that, then nothing else would matter. Harry still hadn't heard anything from Snape's room, but he couldn't wait any longer. He couldn't remain still any longer. He had to get started. So, he gathered his apprentice robe from where he had left it before starting his meditation and went out to the forest behind the house. Harry knew the limits of the protection on the safe house. Snape had been very clear that he wasn't to go beyond them for any reason unless Snape was there with him. But Harry didn't plan to go beyond the limits, he just need to get far enough away from the house that he wouldn't damage it or anything inside it.

Harry took the main path into the forest and quickly veered off in the direction that would take him farthest from the house the quickest. Once he could no longer see the house, he stopped and turned around slowly. He could see nothing but trees in any direction. He had found a good place to try his magic, but what spell should he try? Alohomora came to mind first, but he couldn't really unlock a tree, so he would have no way to know if he was doing it correctly. Jelly legs? Again he had only trees to practice on. Maybe something simpler. One of the first spells that he had ever learned...lumos.  
>He put his hand out and conjured up the bright image that he thought of when performing the spell without his wand, but when he tried to execute the spell, nothing happened. He didn't feel a surge of magic, he didn't see a hint of light. Just nothing.<p>

Maybe he wasn't trying hard enough. He took a deep breath and then took a full minute to conjure up the image of the spell, but when he tried to release it again...he felt nothing and saw nothing. Maybe that was the wrong spell. Maybe he should be tying something that he knew he could do. He had knocked out two Aurors during the attack. Maybe he should try doing that spell. This time the image was completely different and much stronger. Harry was sure that he would feel the magical energy when he released the spell. But he felt nothing. Not even a release of power. But there could be no release of power when none had built up to begin with. What was wrong? Why couldn't he do any spells now?

Harry knew that he just had to keep trying. He conjured up the image again and again. And again and again he felt nothing. He tried focusing his thoughts on the tree that he was trying to knock down, but still nothing. He felt the sweat beading on his forehead. He knew that he was working hard, but no matter what he tried or how hard he tried to do it, nothing made the tree even sway. The wind wasn't even blowing. In his frustration, Harry went over to the tree and shoved all his weight against it. Of course the huge trunk didn't budge. He tried to shove it down again, but knew it was futile and exhaled as he leaned against the tree in defeat.

"Apprentice, how long have you been out here attempting such feats?" Snape asked.

Harry looked up, though he really didn't need to, and saw his Master standing under the shade of an equally strong tree looking over at him. Harry knew, or he should have known, that his actions - whatever they were, wouldn't stay under his Master's radar for long.

"Not long," Harry replied slightly embarrassed to be caught trying to push down a tree. "It's a big tree. I know I'm not strong enough. I was just frustrated."

Snape raised an eyebrow and rephrased his question, "I meant how long have you been attempting to do magic under a null field?"

Huh? Harry thought. Oh... "Oh umm awhile I guess."

"Awhile? You guess?" Snape repeated. "Be more precise, Apprentice."

"Umm..." Harry thought. He didn't really have any idea. "What time is it, Sir?" he asked.

"6:15," Snape replied without hesitation.

It was dinner time. When he was an Apprentice, Snape expected him to be at the table in his rooms or in the great hall at 6:00 on the dot for dinner.  
>"3 hours," Harry guessed. "Maybe four."<p>

Snape sighed audibly but said nothing.

"I didn't know there was a null field."

"Obviously," Snape replied.

"Why is there a null field here anyway? What are we supposed to do if someone tries to attack us? Why didn't you tell me?" Harry asked his questions in rapid succession.

"It was necessary. It is not permanent. And I should not have needed to tell you," Snape answered.

It was necessary because his magic was out of control, Harry thought. Snape could remove it if necessary, so it really was in place just because of him. And Harry knew that he shouldn't have gone off to try his magic on his own. He knew that before he tried it, and yet he couldn't stop himself. He didn't want to disturb Snape, and he didn't want to wait. More truthfully, he didn't want Snape to know just how poor his magical ability and control were just now. He should have known better. He did know better, and he didn't have any excuse. He just nodded.

Snape continued looking at him, but didn't say anything. Harry knew that he wasn't out out of trouble yet, but that Snape had something more pressing on his mind.

"We need to dissipate your magical energy," Snape said.

Harry looked away and then down at the ground as he spoke softly, "I wasn't actually able to conjure any magic."

"You did. I can feel it from here," Snape said.

"I don't feel anything," Harry replied.

"You will when I remove the field," Snape said.

Harry felt his heart beat quicken. If he had build up enough energy that Snape could actually feel it, assuming that he could, there was no way that Harry would be able to control it. That's why they needed the field in the first place. To prevent the explosion that Harry was sure would occur if Snape let down the field.

Harry felt himself shaking his head as he backed away from his Master. "No, you can't," Harry said.

"Stop right now, Apprentice," Snape stated.

Harry stopped. He wouldn't disobey a direct order. He shouldn't have disobeyed the implicit order not to try something this stupid on his own.

"You cannot run away from your magic."

"I know," Harry replied. Though at that moment, he very much wanted to try.

"Sit down."

Harry looked around. They were still in the middle of the forest with nothing to sit on but the ground. "Here?"

"I would prefer that you do not destroy the house. Yes, here."

Harry pulled his robes tightly around his body and sat down. He wanted to curl up in a ball, bury his head and try to forget about what was happening outside himself.

"It was a joke," Snape said with a slightly lighter expression that most other students wouldn't have noticed. Snape kneeled down on the ground in front of Harry and placed his wand on the ground between them.

Harry watched the seriousness of his Master, and that was what scared him. Harry still felt nothing.

"You know how to dissipate energy," Snape stated.

"Yes, Sir," Harry replied even though it wasn't a question. He did know how, and his Master had taught him so he knew that Harry knew, which was why Snape's concern worried him.

"You will need to allow me to help you with the excess energy."

"Allow me access through the bond. You will need to dissipate as much energy as you can, but you can't try to hold back the energy that you can't control. You must let it out and allow me to dissipate it."

"But what if you can't?" Harry bit his tongue as he spoke the last word knowing that he shouldn't have asked.

"I will," Snape replied.

"Give me you hands and let's begin. Do not hold on to any of the energy. Do not block me."  
>Harry extended his hands and allowed his Master to take them. Then, he tried to clear his mind. He didn't know what else to do.<p>

"Don't try to do anything," Snape said.

Harry took a deep breath and struggled against his instinct to close off his mind.

"NOW."

Harry felt the null field dropping around him. It was like a magical field that had been held tightly against him was now gone. It had been so tight that it felt like his skin, and he hadn't even noticed that it was there, and now it was gone. He felt naked, like the true air was touching him for the first time.

He suddenly felt powerful. He could feel all of the power that had been building up in his body, and it was too much. It was too much for Snape, he was sure of that.

No. Heard his master's voice in his head the moment he thought of blocking him from his power.

You must trust me.

Harry wasn't sure the he could trust Snape; he was even less sure that he could trust himself. He just gave up and let it go. He felt a white power over him, draining from him, exploding from him, and he did nothing. He just let the feeling overwhelm him and take him out.

Some time later, the feeling ended. The power was gone, and Harry felt empty and drained. He felt cool air on his skin and could tell that the evening had turned to night. Harry knew that he had to get up. If he were still laying outside like this, then Snape must be worse off. He had to help his master.

Harry struggled to a seated position and leaned his back against the nearest tree. He didn't feel any pain, he was just completely drained, and he just wanted to sleep. In the bright glow of the full moon, Harry could see Snape lying on the ground several feet away from him. Harry could see him moving and assumed that the must be awake, but he wasn't getting up.

"Professor?" he spoke as loudly as he could, which he realized may not have even been loud enough to carry over the slight breeze.

"Master?" Harry spoke again louder remembering to use the proper title.

Harry didn't hear anything from his master and he didn't see any more movement, so he decided that he would have to move. He pushed his knees under him and half-walked half-crawled over to the ground where his master was lying. 

"Harry take the potion in the left pocket of my robe now," Snape whispered.

He found his teacher's robes and found one small vial in the left pocket. He could tell that there were vials in other places, but he left them alone since didn't know what any of the potions were.

"What should I do with it?" Harry asked. He looked back to Snape and saw that the man's eyes were closed. He wasn't moving again. What was he supposed to do? Should he take the potion or should he give it to Snape? The logical thing to do seemed to be to give it Snape, since he was in worse shape, but Snape had told him to take it. Or had he just meant get it? He had to make a decision.

If Snape had wanted Harry to give him the potion, he would have said so. His master was nothing if not precise. Harry pulled off the cork and quickly drank the potion. He immediately started to feel his strength coming back to him and as he did, he knew that he had made the right decision. Soon he was able to lift himself to his feet and he walked back towards the house.

Once inside, Harry opened the door to the room that he had assumed was Snape's bedroom and workroom. Once he had lit a candle and taken a quick look around, he could see that it was just a workroom. One of the two doors in the back of the room must have led to Snape's personal rooms, but that wasn't what Harry was interested in at the moment. Harry walked straight to the cabinet that held stores of vials very similar to the one Harry held in his hand. Harry looked at the label and saw the short hand note that Snape used when labeling his own potions. Harry didn't know what it meant, but he didn't have to know. He just needed to find some more.

Harry quickly located two neat rows of vials containing the same potion by comparing the symbols on the label. He grabbed four of the vials and rushed out of the house as quickly as he could back to the place in the forest where he had left his Master. Snape hadn't moved since Harry had left, so Harry knelt down beside him and carefully dripped the potion from the first vial into his mouth. After emptying the vial, Harry waited. He wasn't sure how long the potion was supposed to take, but it had affected him pretty quickly.

When nothing happened after two long minutes, Harry uncorked another vial of potion and repeated the process of giving to to Snape. Almost immediately, Snape moved his head towards Harry and opened his eyes.

"One more," he said.

Harry uncorked another vial and was able to help Snape bring it to his mouth to drink. Then, Snape was able to sit up, and he looked his apprentice over quickly.

"You should take another one, too," he said.

Harry bit his tongue before he could reply that he was fine and didn't need to take the final potion. Instead he just took out the last vial and drank it.

"We should go inside," Snape said after a moment of silence.

Harry nodded. "I'm sorry, Sir. I didn't know you would get hurt."

"I am not hurt, and if you would have done anything differently we both probably would have been," Snape replied.

"Not if I wouldn't have done that in the first place," Harry said under his breath though he knew his Master would hear him.

"You do have demerits to work off after dinner."

After eating the dinner that Snape had prepared earlier, Harry found himself back in the work room this time he was brewing replacement potions for those that he and Snape had just used. Snape usually only assigned Harry potion brewing when he wanted to teach him to focus on details and concentrate; however, this time, Harry was sure that it was just a punishment. But Harry felt that he deserved it so he said nothing and did the work to the best of his ability. He was glad that Snape was there watching over his shoulder the whole time and fixing his mistakes, because he was pretty sure that they would need that potion again soon.

After the potions were neatly lined up on the shelf in the cabinet, Snape let Harry into the training room. Snape knelt down on the floor in a meditation position and gestured for Harry to join him. Harry knelt down across from his Master.

"We need to discuss your apprenticeship training and the rules that you must follow in order to continue in the program," Snape said.

Harry nodded and kept his head down. He knew that he hadn't had to follow the strict discipline of the apprentice program since he'd started his journey. He had hardly started back training before the most recent attack, but Harry was happy to hear that Snape wanted to discuss the rules. Harry wanted the rules back. He wanted the training back. He needed the intensity of his apprenticeship right now.

"You are not to practice magic or attempt to practice magic of any kind without my knowledge, consent, and for now my presence."

"Yes, sir," Harry responded.

"I mean no magic at all. No lumos, no accio nothing."

"I understand," Harry replied. And he did; it was just like when he was at the Dursleys. He would just have to remember to think before trying anything magical. He wouldn't be able to let the magic come naturally as it had started to since he'd been at Hogwarts.

"We will set aside at least four hours every day for physical and magical training," Snape said.

Harry thought that that would not be nearly enough time, but he just nodded his head. Snape had said at least four hours not no more than four hours.

"We will decide when you have your magic under control enough to loosen these rules."

"Yes, sir," Harry replied.

"Your other time here will be spent doing research on the topics you previously chose for your apprenticeship unless you have decided to change your focus."

When Harry didn't respond immediately, Snape added, "Have you decided to change your focus, Apprentice?"

"No sir," Harry said. "I still want to focus on the spells and dark arts."

"Very well. Finally, you will also meet regularly with a psychologist associated with Jenner's office and the ministry."

Harry looked up at that and felt an irrational fear start to build up inside his chest. He wanted to say no, but he knew he couldn't. He couldn't say no to anything that Snape required of him for his apprenticeship. He felt his words stuck in his throat and he didn't know if he could even ask any questions.

"I know that it will not be easy for you, but it is one of the Ministry's requirements for them to allow me to train you. And it is a requirement that I agree with."

But...Harry wanted to say. He could think of a million reasons why he couldn't. And there was only one reason why he would. When he looked up at Snape, he saw that the older man really did seem concerned, and Harry felt that Snape really did think that meeting with a psychologist would help him. Harry couldn't say no, but he couldn't make himself agree either.

"I have contacted the person that Jenner recommended if he were ever unavailable. His name is Dr. Jerry Bradley. His training is from a Muggle university, and he is not magical though he comes from a magical family."

A squib, Harry thought. "He won't be able to do occlumency," Harry said out loud.

"No," Snape said without elaborating on any of the implications of that fact.

"Do you know him?" Harry asked, finally voicing one of his many questions.

"No, I have not met him. However, he was recommended by Jenner for you."

That meant that Jenner trusted him. Harry nodded.

"If you agree to see him, he will have to give regular reports to the Ministry about your health. The ministry requires a third party to assure them that you are in the best situation."

For who? Harry thought. Surely they didn't really care about him. "It won't be confidential?"

"Yes, it will be confidently just as it was with Jenner. Dr. Bradley will make very general reports to the Ministry as Jenner also did. And he will also keep me up to date with your progress in the same way that Jenner did. Anything specific that you discuss with him will be private between the two of you."

Unless I'm trying to hurt myself, Harry thought to himself, but he didn't say anything. He didn't want Snape to say it. He wanted Snape to stop talking about it and to stop bringing up Jenner's name.

"He is available to meet with you tomorrow morning at 10. Will you meet with him?"

"Yes, sir," Harry replied without hesitation. He wanted to get off the subject, especially since he knew that he would have to agree, and he even knew that Snape was probably right and that he should agree. He just wanted to avoid the whole subject.

"Very well. Let me see your physical training drills, so that I can see what modifications need to be made now that you back in full training," Snape said.

Harry felt a small breath of relief leave him as he got up. He knew that he was a little behind on his physical training, but he was ready to do whatever he needed to get back into shape and back on track.


End file.
